Not sure that you can use Superman like that. An alternative: A Superhero Story. Doesn't pack as much punch, but you simply don't have any rights to use that name to further your own cause.
You're not meant to put the logline on the front page nor are you meant to include the synopsis on page 1. Both should be on separate sheets. Loglines are best for query letters.
Code Sanjay observes the father holding his crying boy. Wasn’t so
long ago when he held his boy in much the same way. Or...was
held by his own father. |
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Only the first sentence is filmable. The last two sentences need to be deleted as they cannot be shown on screen.
Well I was expecting things to go down hill from there, but you seem to have a fairly decent grasp of how to write a screenplay.
Code She begins to flick
through the channels. |
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Watch out for 'begins' and 'starts' as they are rarely needed in a screenplay. In your own example it would be better to write:
She flicks through the channels. Keep your writing as active as possible.
Code It’s a satchel
he’s carried with him his whole life. A satchel his mother
made for him long ago with pieces of his parents and
grandparents old clothes. It carries with it family history
and love...almost like Super-Man’s suit. |
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Sentences like this must be deleted. Show don't tell.
Code JAMI [32, real name Jeevan] |
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No need to tell us what his real name is.
Code He’s maybe one of the only employees
doing something remotely creative or ‘out-of-the-box’. |
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The above isn't filmable.
In my opinion you have a strong writer's voice but still have a few things to learn. Good luck.