Grave Love by Vladimir Jovanovski - Short, Horror - A man tends to his garden at midnight, but something more sinister is at play. 7 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey Vladimir

A few thoughts, just my opinion of course

1) When you introduce a character for the first time you should capitalise his/her name (but only the first time)
E.g. 'John (39) handsome and immaculate in appearance' should be 'JOHN (39) handsome and immaculate in appearance.'
2) I think some of the dialogue and some of the action sections are over long, but some editing and these can be fixed easy enough.
3) I think there may be a couple too many 'people' in the final section, but not a real issue.
4) There's a couple of odd sentences that break the flow a little. E,g, 'sans the dirt on
his clothes and face grips the shovel tight. Eyes on it.' and 'He extends his body as he starts to plant them through out the fresh soil.' they read a little awkward.

I did however like the central idea and think there's some promise here... I think you need to work on a revised, tighter, version and I'd also look at the ending... not sure what is so bad about auditing that causes this reaction... I think it needs something stronger.

Hope that helps some

Anthony

Hey Anthony.

I wrote this as an assignment. I had one day to write it, it had to be one location, horror, 5 pages max (wrote 6), and it had to have a twist on the last page. So this is what I came up with. Title is also pretty lame, but I was really pressed for time, had to name it something :)

I was going for a Twilight zone tone. The auditing part was meant to be humorous :). Wasn't going for a very serious tone to this, more like a fantastic 80s horror.