I started reading Bird Box today from the Bloodlist and noticed this writer's style of writing.

I know "the rules" have loosened up some in the last few years, but really? Does this look right to you? It doesn't make it any easier on the eyes, IMHO. It also seems to me a 90 page script would be quite short if written "correctly". Thoughts?

She reaches the back door.
Boards cover the door’s glass inset.

Boy and Girl hold hands.
Girl’s knuckles go white.
Boy squeezes back.

On the floor by the door: A bird cage.
Inside: A little, fat budgie.

Malorie bends down, cups her hands...
And transfers the bird to a shoebox.

It coos at her as she covers the box and hefts it.

Malorie then picks up her blindfold.
Before donning it, she looks around.

Inside, all is quiet and still.
A land-line phone sits on the coffee table.
Nothing else around it. As if it were a holy relic.

Malorie secures her blindfold.
Reaches out and grips the door handle.
Takes a breath.

Looks like someone decided it'd be fun to write their poems in Courier.

Hell, some of these sentences even sound like something out of a poem - especially in the sentence structure.

If this is a trend, it better be a passing one. And pronto. ;)

I read this one too and found it almost annoying. I like stylish things that stand out ...but imo this one is overdone and it got just annoying. I do like to see a confident writer though. Of course I'm one of those naive people that still believe writing is an art. I do not believe it should be forced into any model or rigid formula. I do respect the rules though...just choose to color out of the lines sometimes.

I'm actually just finishing a feature that I've done in a similar style (mines actually even less wordy than this, sometime just one word on an action line). It just felt appropriate for what I was doing.

I am looking forward to going back to writing 'normally', however (whatever that is).

In general terms, I don't think it's anything new. I think it's known in some circles as 'Walter Hill' style? I remember reading on article about it years ago.

If you've read Hill's (shooting?) draft of Alien it's incredibly sparse (word count wise).

I remember Kathryn Bigelow's and Eric Red's script for 'Near Dark' reading 'poem' like as well.  

It is (strangely poetic). It gives a clear cut visual of events transpiring, but wouldn’t really leave much for director regarding their own vision IMO… is this a seasoned writer throwing this out there?...  just curious.

It's not just the sparse writing. I write pretty sparse too. It's writing one sentence and then putting the next sentence on a new line. It makes it look very left aligned too.

I found it annoying to read too, Dena. To the point, I might not even finish the script.

I hope this doesn't catch on.  :-/

Here's the links to the Walter Hill stuff:

http://gointothestory.blcklst.com/2008/06/connection-between-wall-e-and-alien.html

http://gointothestory.blcklst.com/2010/06/how-they-write-script-walter-hill.html

Example from Alien:

FADE IN

        SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE:

        INT. ENGINE ROOM

        Empty, cavernous.

        INT. ENGINE CUBICLE

        Circular, jammed with instruments.
        All of them idle.
        Console chairs for two.
        Empty.

        INT. OILY CORRIDOR - "C" LEVEL

        Long, dark.
        Empty.
        Turbos throbbing.
        No other movement.

        INT. CORRIDOR - "A" LEVEL

        Long, empty.

Wether it's been done on the past or not. I hope it doesn't catch on. I found it annoying to read. Gave me a headache almost.  :-/

Waste of space too, so no wonder the Alien script was, what? 160 pages?

Quoted from Grandma Bear I started reading Bird Box today from the Bloodlist and noticed this writer's style of writing.

Bloodlist is what caught my eye. I've been trying to find the scripts - not just the list which the site has. Pia, are you able to point me in their direction? Link or PM?

On topic - there are all kinds of fashions popping up with scriptwriting - case in point Nightcrawler - not sure if I like it - but it's different, that's for sure. Dan Gilroy may or may not have been influenced by his father, Pulitzer Prize winning playwright & screenwriter Frank D. Gilroy.

That last example - yes, I recognized from Alien. So that style's been around for quite a while. Ultimately, if the story is riveting enough I reckon you can get away with a lot of style choices.

I doubt it'll become a new trend.  However, would I have a problem reading that format?  Probably not.

Would I have a problem writing my script according to that format?  Probably yes.  I think it would get annoying.

But like LC said, I'd also have to reckon that if the story is riveting enough, you could get away with some stylistic choices.  
You just have to make sure you have the tools for such a task...

I'm out on page 1.  Subjects omitted. Incomplete sentences.  Irritating structure.  back to the drawing board.

Oh wait...what?  You're a Pro writer?  You're making mid 6 figures?  Huh?  You're boning how many 20 year old strippers at a time?

OK, hold the phone please.  No, just a minute.  Fuck, my damn computer!  That was some amature script on SS I was reviewing.  No, really.  Hold on...just a minute.

OK, found it.  This is what I wrote about your script...

Amazing format and writing...so crisp and to the point, almost poetic.  I fucking love it and will try to emulate it from here on out.

I love you and your writing. You're the best.  PLease invite me to the next orgy.

Quoted from Grandma Bear It's not just the sparse writing. I write pretty sparse too. It's writing one sentence and then putting the next sentence on a new line. It makes it look very left aligned too. I found it annoying to read too, Dena. To the point, I might not even finish the script. I hope this doesn't catch on.  :-/

Yeah, I agree. It's padding the pages big time--

Take this-

She reaches the back door.
Boards cover the door’s glass inset.

Boy and Girl hold hands.
Girl’s knuckles go white.
Boy squeezes back.

On the floor by the door: A bird cage.
Inside: A little, fat budgie.

Malorie bends down, cups her hands...
And transfers the bird to a shoebox.

It coos at her as she covers the box and hefts it.

Malorie then picks up her blindfold.
Before donning it, she looks around.

Inside, all is quiet and still.
A land-line phone sits on the coffee table.
Nothing else around it. As if it were a holy relic.

Malorie secures her blindfold.
Reaches out and grips the door handle.
Takes a breath.


And lay it out right and you get this.



She reaches the back door. Boards cover the door’s glass inset. Boy and Girl hold hands. Girl’s knuckles go white. Boy squeezes back.

On the floor by the door: A bird cage. Inside: A little, fat budgie. Malorie bends down, cups her hands, And transfers the bird to a shoebox.

It coos at her as she covers the box and hefts it. Malorie then picks up her blindfold.
Before donning it, she looks around.

Inside, all is quiet and still.  A land-line phone sits on the coffee table.
Nothing else around it. As if it were a holy relic. Malorie secures her blindfold.

Reaches out and grips the door handle. Takes a breath.


26-ish lines dialed down to 12

The script would be cut in half...

Shawn.....><

It'd probably be less than 40 pages if all the descriptions are like that.

It'd be
like me
hitting
enter
every time I
wanted to
continue
what
I
was
saying.

Looks
Goofy.

I
agree

rubb
ish

:P

Total shite.

What is the bloodlist?

Quoted from DustinBowcot Total shite. What is the bloodlist?

http://www.bloodlist.com/the-lists/2014-blood-list/

Quoted from DustinBowcot What is the bloodlist?

The Blood List was created in 2009 to bring attention to unproduced dark genre screenplays in circulation. A calendar year for a script to be considered runs from October 31st to the following October 31st, and is released each Halloween. Voting is done by over 100 executives, managers, and agents, and once the ballot is calculated, only the top 13 dark scripts of the year make the cut. It has also become a resource for dark genre producers searching for the perfect material, and some snatch their next project here first.

http://www.bloodlist.com

Thanks you two. That seems up my street.

This style of writing lacks soul, IMO. I don't get "immersed" in it. I'm not invested. It's like reading an advertisement for something. You understand what it's about, then it's over.

Yet, he's done what everyone in here wants to?

Fair play to the guy.

All credit to him/her.

I actually write my rough drafts in similar fashion. Very brief. Get to the point. It is a screenplay, not a novel, remember.
You picture the scene, get the point. You don't need anything else. A few directors told me they just appreciate scripts written like this. I don't think I'm gonna argue.

Don't write for other writers.

Simple. Clear. To the point.
This passage achieves that.

To each his/her own.

I found it to be a very fast read. Faster than normal, which is always a good thing. And he made it on the Bloodist

Plus, the guy is working on a min by min page. I think the writer has worked it out well.
Unlike some people who just throw everything in...

Kind of ridiculous to mock a writer who knows what he's doing, but I know that's not
foreign. Everyone's an expert, right? We all know how to scare us?
Ridiculous.

I hope the writer works on this, I think it wiil turn out well. Keep going man. Don't ever let anyone keep you down.

Quoted from Scoob Kind of ridiculous to mock a writer who knows what he's doing, but I know that's not foreign. Everyone's an expert.

Who is mocking him? The question was, what do people think about this style of writing. Some like it, some don't. It's a discussion.

Quoted from mmmarnie Who is mocking him? The question was, what do people think about this style of writing. Some like it, some don't. It's a discussion.

Yeah, i think it's great.

It's basic writing. I don't like some of it, but that's what we do. We are not just meant to write stories. We are meant to write stories in a quick, efficient manner. I think this guy writes SCREENPLAY very well.

If you want to read stories, go to simplystories.com.

I think you guys are mocking him quite clearly. Just read the above. I don't know the guy, don't care about him, but the reaction is clear.
You think you're above someone that has made themselves a success and you don't like it.  You appear very sour. In fact, everyone does. Maybe that's why he/she's sold their script and you have not?

But no... it has to be bad news. "Awful" "shocking" "I'm so much better".... yeah, OK.

I don't mean just you Marnieml, I mean the whole thread. So sorry if this feels about you, it's not. Sorry!

I think the "writers" on this site sometime become deluded. Egos emerge. Arguments happen. Pointless...

The guy wrote a well written screenplay and everyone on here acts like infants. It's ridiculous.

We act like infants? I was merely asking if this style of writing was a new trend. The script made the Bloodlist so it must have been good. I read up to page 30. That style of writing however, didn't make the read better IMHO. It felt weird and looked weird on the page. I was wondering how others felt about it...

I think the repsonse was infantile, yes.

To cruelly mock someone's work like that without reply. It's just not right.

The writer had no right of reply. It just does not stick right with me,and why you even brought it up is something I can't quite understand.

Well, if you're one of those who studies screenwriting and "trends" then you would notice new ways people are writing. I was merely asking what people thought of this style.

Who's mocked anyone? I didn't like this style and I said I hope it doesn't catch on. I'm still getting used ti 'ing words....

The writer had no right of reply???? Therefore we shouldn't discuss?  

I'm not mocking you Angry Bear.
I'm just saying I think it's OK.

Blimey.

I think OTHER MEMBERS had a go, and I think it's a bit harsh.

I think the guy can write how he/she likes.

I think the problem with this site, is that everyone copies eachother and becomes clones. Yet, noone will speak about that.

Even reviews - which you gotta ask what is the point of these? No one needs them, they are always negative.
Even if it's a great script, I would find something negative... it just negates the whole system.
The only point of positive is recognition from  someone who can help you:

I think Don should charge subscription prices

But no, I standby what I said. I think you have to go through a process and you kind of understand where you are in the world before you begin to write about it.
Noq quite what i meant.
Umm sorry . I think more fee "will and happiness, but its great to experience bad times to write about good times.

I want to be more positive

Its difficult when you are working on horrof films 24/.7

I was actually thinking it is overwritten... lol.

Code Malorie bends down, cups her hands... And transfers the bird to a shoebox.

No need for 'down'. Nor any need for the overly dramatic 'And' followed by ellipses.

Code It coos at her as she covers the box and hefts it.

Why can't it just coo?

Code Malorie then picks up her blindfold. Before donning it, she looks around.

Before donning it? Unnecessary. Especially as it will be donned two action blocks down.

Code Inside, all is quiet and still. A land-line phone sits on the coffee table.

Why not call it a house phone?

Code Nothing else around it. As if it were a holy relic.

Should be all one sentence.

Code Reaches out and grips the door handle.

No real need for 'reaches out'.

It is what it is.

As much everybody wants to "modifiy it" it: it works/worked just fine.

Writers needs to just get a grip and adapt. Nothing wrong with that at all.

I've never had an issue about punctuality, despite what others say. It's insane. People that fund these films don't just give you a million quid. They want to use you for a reason. The last thing they care about are the things that Dreamscale worries about. He's always worried about being introduced to the scene -- well , fuck that buddy!  Well past that. He's thinking it's all strippers and pussy -- wrong game.

It is hard work, but if you have talent, ambition and can provide this on daily basis, then yes.


It kinda helps to keep believing in what you always dreamed of. Keep your dreams alive, but never get too down when u get hurt!!!

Yeah I agree small things are looked over for the benefit of the over all story... but editing is a very important part of the process. If it isn't done right in the action then the dialogue will follow suit. There may be too much of it which will ruin the end result.

The script is the most important part of the whole film. Everything else comes afterwards. I'm with Jeff in that it should be pristine perfect before ever being considered for production. Unfortunately, most scripts aren't edited very well and this shows in the end result. I'm constantly looking over poor dialogue etc in features just to get to the end. The rare ones are pristine and they always make money.

I think that's why I'm veering more towards being a film maker myself. I just can't trust anyone else to do it right. I could sell my perfectly good script to someone and they fuck it right up.

Just keep doing what you are doing.

Have great faith in you, man.

Hi guys,

Think you know what's coming here...

I would like to apologize to the people of this thread for what can only be described as "trolling". I apologize if I offended anyone or singled anyone out for whatever reason. I haven't actually read what I wrote, can't handle the embarrassment right now, but I had a "flashback" earlier today and immediately knew I'd made a mistake (or several) over the weekend.
It must have been Saturday night/Sunday morning. I enjoyed a few alcoholic beverages. Somehow made it home, went online instead of going to bed, and then proceeded to visit this site. Never a good idea. I'd put this down as a schoolboy error, but I do have previous, so perhaps a ban would be sufficient.

I don't know what gave me such an ego that I thought it was right to say what I did, or slate other people's opinions. I can't keep blaming the booze, especially since I have a pretty high tolerance level. So, I can only put it down to me just being a dickhead/douchebag/ anything else that springs to mind.

I think a ban would be a good idea. Hopefully not a permanent one.  I need to slap myself back down to earth from whatever cloud I'm currently floating on. Hopefully if/when I return I will be able to actually contribute to the site instead of piping in every few months with needless and worthless comments that are derogatory to members who actually give something positive.

Regarding the topic of the thread, I actually don’t mind the style, can understand the purpose, but I can also see why it might grate on other readers.

Quoted from Scoob It must have been Saturday night/Sunday morning. I enjoyed a few alcoholic beverages. Somehow made it home, went online instead of going to bed, and then proceeded to visit this site. Never a good idea.

Ah, see never drink/post not a good idea.

Quoted from Scoob I'd put this down as a schoolboy error, but I do have previous, so perhaps a ban would be sufficient.

I don't think anyone requires a ban. Didn't you say you'd been working on a horror movie? Maybe some meditation is in order.  ;) Relax.

~Several, some in UK, some in US, most in europe because of the expense!

But yeah, it's a bit of a nightmare. I can;t be in tewnty five places at once, so you cant really adapt. Its just constant...
I just needed a little reality check...:)

I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!  The booze...  I remember your drunken tirades from another message board  ;D I can always tell when you're drunk - you double post, and triple post, over and over, nonstop.  I can see how others would get annoyed, but I never cared.  I always liked ya, never had a problem.  It's over and done with, though, so don't worry about it.

Ahhg, i I'm getting obvious. Not good!
I lost the job I wanted the most, which I think you know what it is -- so that hurts. Hurts so bad! Just have to get better!
Next time!

I got banned in 2009, if we are talking about the same site, haha. I displayed a lack of enthusiasm for Rob Zombie being appointed director of Halloween II. Funnily enough, I quite like the film and think Rob Zombie is a great guy.

There was this script on last year's Black List called Sovereign. Had the exact same style as this, which means it's starting to catch on or else we wouldn't be seeing it again. Here's a sample --

"Reveal DMITRI ROMAN (30s). Goes by Roman.
Sharp features.
Kind eyes.

Roman sits in a chair.
Beautiful oak hardback.

Wears a tux.
Bow tie undone.
Looks at the screen with concern.
He’s with his wife: ALYOSHA. Aly for short."

I think it works a lot better here as the sentences at least don't read like scribblings a child would write, which is probably the harshest thing I can say about the style. "Boy does this, boy does that" is tiresome and a little 'cringey' to read. But if there's a reason to do it, I won't flame the writer. Once I find some spare time, I'll give Bird Box a try. And to be very honest, Sovereign wasn't a half bad script. I think the example Pia gave from the script would've worked a lot better if the sentences didn't feel so disjointed and were at least grammatically correct.

It's pretty awkward to read. Looks more like a poem than a script.

Ironically, I do like the Alien excerpt.  ??) Maybe I'm biased.  ;)

I guess Alien is the exeption to the rule, but I hope this poem-script format doesn't catch on.