Frankie by Joshua Martes - Short, Horror - An amateur, fresh out of college, writer, Max, gets a new roommate, the only problem is that this roommate sleep talks at night, about getting Max killed.  Just who is Frankie? 33 pages - pdf, format 8)

Is the writer around?


The logline is very intriguing, and I'll have a look if you're around...depsite the wall of text you've got going on.

Josh,

Bad comments can give you nightmares.  Good ones lead to sweet dreams.

To be frank, I couldn't get through this one.  Screenplays are generally written in present tense.  This one mixes in past tense--not recommended.  Subject-verb agreement is something you want to look into.  In short, the writing is not professional grade.

The story wanders.  You take ten precious minutes to get josh into max's house.  Should take two at best.  Skip the first scene since you cover the same ground when josh arrives.  The house tour isn't necessary either.  The important parts are josh arriving to claim the room and then the eerie stuff.  

Remember, screen time is valuable.  If you don't need to show something, don't show it.

Best
Richard