Grim by Kevin Finkbeiner (KevTheWriter) - Short, Comedy - Is the Grim Reaper still fearful? His roommate Jason begs to differ; either the Reaper gets his act together and pulls his weight to make rent, or his cloaked ass gets booted to the street. 9 pages - pdf, format 8)

Kevin,
I wasn't sure about this one at first, but I found I really got into it once we hit the Karaoke Bar. I've always been a sucker for these kinds of domestic Reaper stories.

All in all, I thought this was pretty good. Some of the action lines read a little odd, but I can't recall any major issues. There was this, though:

Quoted Text Jason could care less.

It's couldn't care less. Pet peeve of mine.

Also, I might reconsider how you're introducing the reaper. This whole "sneaking up behind Jason, 'your sould is mine'" deal feels a little overdone. I'm sure I've seen it before. And if the Reaper and Jason have been roommates for three years now, don't you think that sort of joke would have died already? Just a thought.

Ah yes. Peeve of mine too and not at all logical the way it is often used as 'could care less'. Appears to be uniquely U.S. usage. I think you'll have a job convincing some people it should be: 'couldn't care less' however cause it's a well used figure of speech now in certain parts and seen as the norm.

Of course Brits and Australians say it the right way. ;D

http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/could-care-less-versus-couldnt-care-less

Nice job on a good concept.  I think Grim can be made a bit funnier if he's having employer problems also.  Nothing like a phone call while trying to claim a soul.

Also, 'could care less' can be  used in diaglogue, especially by a character who misuses the language in other ways. In text, it's 'couldn't care less.'

Quoted from jofferhall Also, I might reconsider how you're introducing the reaper. This whole "sneaking up behind Jason, 'your sould is mine'" deal feels a little overdone. I'm sure I've seen it before. And if the Reaper and Jason have been roommates for three years now, don't you think that sort of joke would have died already? Just a thought.

That's the point; the whole "your soul is mine" routine would have died by now. The Reaper's a burnout hack; he's not scary anymore, which is why Jason is completely unfazed. That's why no one else the Reaper encounters in the entire film takes his seriously for what he's supposed to be.

Hopefully this makes sense.

Hey, Kevin.

That definitely makes sense. I guess my point was that it felt a little cliché. Maybe that's just me, though.

In any event, I did enjoy the story. Welcome to SS.