All Things Evil by Brian Wind (bwind22) - Horror - When a viral outbreak plunges civilization into anarchy, a widowed father evades corrupt police, outsmarts other desperate survivors and fends off the feral infected in an effort to find his teenage daughter before she becomes a casualty of the pandemic. 98 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey Brian, I was looking for a new horror script to read and there yours was.  I got to Page 15, before I decided to stop, which is actually pretty impressive for me.

Writing is pretty good all around.  You'll want to give this another read, as there are several typos and some awkward phrasings, but again, your writing is better than most for sure.

One thing you should change is in your Slugs - start with the biggest first, then go down to more detailed.  Example - ROBERT'S HOUSE - KITCHEN.

I stopped becasue the plot and story is very cliche and I've seen this play out hundreds of times before.  BUT, for what it is, it ain't bad, my friend.

You wisely broke this up with 2 separate groups of peeps, 1 of which is looking for the other (Father looking for daughter, with son in tow).  We know Robert's a hunter, so he should be able to take care of his family, and he even has a bunker, so that's also a wise choice in character building.

If it were me, I'd use real geographic areas, cities, and towns.  I'd also lose the oh so cliche intro in favor of something a little more plausible. And finally, I'd do some character building before all Hell breaks loose so quickly.

You seem to know how to write, so you can be a real asset to SS, but you need to understand how it works around here - Quid Pro Quo - the more you give, the more you'll get back, so read scripts and write reviews, and you'll find more peeps reading your scripts.

Good luck with this.

Thanks for giving it a look.  I appreciate the feedback.

Hey, Brian

Congrats on getting a feature out there. I finished this a couple of days ago and allowed the story to simmer before jotting down my thoughts. I really didn’t stray too far away from my initial reaction. The beginning flows really well, I’d the best thing going for this story is the beginning. How you introduced the characters, especially the teens. Once things get rolling, however, it’s pretty much the same thing in different locations. I know this is a an especially hard task to overcome in the horror genre because the monsters attack and the heroes try to survive, which is why it’s even more important in my opinion to add some plot which stems from the outbreak or from the character dynamics. We have plenty of action, but we need those reveals. The father and daughter seem to have a little tension in between them in the beginning, but it falls to the way side to action, and nothing gets resolved before he passes away, maybe I’m wrong maybe there wasn’t any tension. I would suggest you add something though that she, her father or someone learns toward the end of the story about who they are. But, again, the intro read nice and easy, plenty of action, try to add new information with that action.

Anyway, good luck. Hope to keep seeing your name around.

BLB