I couldn't understand whether turning the witness into an accomplice had anything to do with his employers turning on him or not. If it does, it's unclear. If it doesn't, I believe the three different plotlines should be presented differently.
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Hey DS, thanks for all the great input.
SPOILERS**
This scene in particular, was kind of the inciting incident. It was the first thing to happen that really started the downward spiral. If you read to the end, you see that this guy just can't catch a break after this moment. Basically, he feels guilty knowing that his boss would want him to kill this homeless guy. While he technically didn't witness a murder at this point, he was about to, and he could have easily given Pidge's description to the police, which could also lead to his boss' arrest, and/or business being shut down.
Instead, Pidge pays the guy to help him with the job, which makes him a part of the crime and less likely to tell anyone. Pidge uses the homeless guy's need for cash as a way to avoid having to kill him. However, his boss doesn't care about any of this. Rules are rules.
This situation starts to make him think twice about his career choice and he decides he wants no part of it any longer. Quitting, however, would be against the rules as well. All the info he has on his employer and the business, he knows too much to be "allowed" to quit.
Knowing that his boss probably isn't going to be happy and knowing how viscious and sadistic the guy is, he knows that being hunted by him isn't the way he wants to go. If you continue into the next pages, you'll see that he visits some friends to try and find another way out. An easier way out. (That's where the title comes from, by the way)
So, by making that one decision, it sets everything into motion, which starts his fight. On top of this, he learns some things about his home life that are also messed up from that one decision.
The energetic and ambitious description is of Pidge in that particular year. It's tricky, but if you keep track of the time jumps, it makes more sense. It starts out in 2012, he's still working, has a nice marriage (which we don't get to see at this point for a good reason), he jokes around with friends (you haven't read that far), he's a fun guy with a shit job.
Then, it jumps to 2014 for the voice over monologue. This is after he's woken up from a 2 year coma (he refers to that in the first line of the VO although we haven't yet seen that happen), he's miserable, his marriage sucks, he knows it's only a matter of time before his employer comes around to get him (and we learn why he hasn't come after him in the 2 years leading up to this, later in the script), and he is constantly haunted by his previous life as a hitman. He stares at his gun case as he writes a book about his time in the gang. The book plays a big part in the movie. It's his initial form of revenge (for reasons he gives in the argument with his wife).
The third time period we see is 2010, before he joined the gang. He was a hitman working for himself when he was approached by the gang. I'm not sure you've read this far, so I won't say anything. And of course, we get a glimpse of 9 year old Pidge, which is just a memory.
The cop car that Pidge blows up on page 2, is more about him completing the job at hand. He sees his mark drive past and doesn't want to have to find him again later, but this cop is sitting there chatting on his radio, wasting a lot of time. While he doesn't really like killing innocent people, he hates cops, and just wants to finish for the night. Plus, it's a nice little unexpected incident. Instead of getting this super loud, big explosion, it happens way in the background while we're in the mark's car, further ahead, watching him sing along with the radio, doing coke. Then, Pidge comes speeding up behind him. That's why I wrote the line about it looking small from far away, like the Sun. I was just trying to describe it with character, rather than just saying something like "it's far in the background". I was trying to find a happy medium between being direct and doing things that way. I'm still not really sure where to draw the line. Maybe as I read more screenplays, I'll get a better sence of how to do it. I tried to stay away from describing too many shots, but some of them I just had to in order to show what I was trying to show.
Speaking of that scene, I wasn't sure how to go about labeling the scene. I read something about how to format this kind of thing, and it gave an example showing to write SERIES OF SHOTS followed by what the scene is. That's why I wrote "Pidge remembers his first kill" While it does say what the scene is going to be about, it's still kind of a shocker to read that his first kill was actually his father.
As for the writing itself, I had a really long and hard time trying to figure out what to do and what not to do, and how to do it, etc. A lot of what I wrote was inspired by the way I've seen things written in other screenplays. Like the heavy use of "--". I started using them for heavy action scenes where there are a lot of fragmented sentences because I saw it done in all the Bourne scripts. Tony Gilroy uses them a LOT to break up action, and I found it to be my favorite way of doing it. It allows you to see each fragment rather than a period or comma, which keep them closer together. It really defines each set of words. It gives them more impact (for me, at least).
About the Cedar not being capitalized, I had a problem with that before this draft and must have forgotten to fix it. There was a fully capped CEDAR when he first comes into the script. Before that, I had his name shown when Pidge was looking at his photo before he ever came into the scene, and I originally had his name capped there. I wasn't sure if that was what I was supposed to do, or not. I had a hard time with that. It's like another main character who comes in, in act 2. When I first introduce her, we don't know who she is, so I introduce her as MYSTERIOUS BRUNETTE WOMAN first, then later, I cap her actual name when we learn who she is. I wasn't sure what to do there.
Thanks again for all this. I will definitely consider taking a look at some of these things and changing them. I hope you continue on. There's a lot to dive into when you get into act 2 :) Things will make sense by the end.
And Rendevous,
It's funny you bring up the "cherries flash" thing. DS also mentioned that. I honestly thought people would know what that meant. I didn't realize it would be that confusing. I thought it was a common term for police lights. It just seemed like a nice way to describe someone getting pulled over, rather than just saying "police lights".
And yes! I get the same calls from those Indian guys. Only, the calls I get are telling me that I've been in a car accident, or that my computer has a virus. Haha.