The Three Lives of Ignatius Clay by Greg Thomson - Short, Comedy, Drama - After the death of his friend and writing partner, an obnoxious screenwriter struggles to finish the screenplay they started. 37 pages - pdf, format 8)

Anyone kind enough to give this a glance - this is something I wrote six months ago and had basically given up on, but I thought the no nonsense feedback from the writers on this site would be beneficial.

It also concerns the rampant egotism of a writer, in no small part informed by my own maniacal thoughts and experiences, so some of you might find it amusing in some way.

I realise it's a high page count, and I was still dithering over whether to go feature length with it, or tv episode length, but I'll happily do some reciprocal reading for anyone who might be interested. I've posted a few things on this site, and offered up some criticisms, so my current ability/standards are out there for anyone to see before you decide if you want me doing a critique of your script.

I haven't red the screenplay, becouse I can't understand what the story is about? Screenwriter struggles to finish....? and so what? why it's important for him to finish? what obstacles? what are the stakes if not finish?  where is  urgency?
change the log line so we have desire to read it. ☺

Greg,

take all comments with some trepidation.

First, I think your protagonist is unlikable.  Being unlikable, it's hard for the audience to care if he ever completes the screnplay or makes any money or even pays his rent.  He's an asshole so why bother?

Second, you introduce several characters that seem to disappear.  Martin has a few lines at first, seems to be greg's enemy and yet is never seen again.  Rachel, except for some seconds of titillation doesn't have much of a role.  

Three, it seems that Greg does the same thing over and over.  Different locations, different foils, but it's him launching into profane rants.  How much of it is necessary?

Four, Greg and Phil are unlikely screenwriters.  They don't watch movies, read scripts, or follow the biz.  They use a typewriter which labels them as rank amateurs, and maybe that' syour poing.  These two are never going to produce anthing worth reading.

Five, you don't have an ending.  The story stops, but it doesn't end.  It's a slog of a read, but for what end?  Greg has no character arc and no goal.  he just likes to spout off.  

Enough.  I think you have a knack for dialogue, but you might work on your story elements.  In all this time, you have Greg try to get the script from Phil's house, contact Martin but never really try to get it from him.  Where are the steps Greg must follow to get what he wants?  Work on those things.  Keep the story moving.  

Best
Richard

Richard,

Thanks for taking the time to read it. I wouldn't argue with too many of your points. As I said above, this was something I wrote six months ago, one of my first scripts, and I threw it up here in the heat of the moment as a sort of last hurrah.

The main point you make that I think sums it up is the repitition, without advancement.

A couple of your points maybe missed the gist of a couple of things, but I won't waste time defending the integrity of a sinking ship.

Genuinely, thanks for the comments. I have long since moved on from this project, and you do me a service by letting me drive the final nail in its coffin.