Mile 42 by John P. Dowgin - Short, Action - When an extreme distance runner encounters a human trafficking ring during a 100-mile desert ultramarathon, he must battle both exhaustion and the criminals to save the innocents. 17 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey John

Took a read, a few thoughts, just my opinion of course...

1) I think there needs to be a better reason for his legs to go, feels a little convenient.
2) 'And this is America. Dream.' that line didn't work for me at all given what they just went through.

That's it, from a constructive crticism point of view, really like the pacing, the action was well described and the story pulled me in.

Good job.

Anthony

John,

Comments are not bulletproof.  Handle with care.

This one has many good aspects.  The banter in the opening is just fine. The setups wok mostly, but there are too many lucky happenstances for me. I have a hard time with someone hearing a spent cartridge as it hits rock.  I like the leg cramps as they make things tougher. Carlos, on the other hand, comes out of the blue to save the protagonist.  I find that hard to swallow.  

Jose proves resourceful and a good shot, but the militia guys are too dumb for words.  They don't react very well.  So, I have a bit of a belief problem. Right down to cutter standing on the shirt.  Too convenient for me. And if Cynthia finds Jose because his phone works, why doesn't he use it to summon help?

Best
Richard

John,

IMO- this one's spectacular.  PM me about having it on the STS showcase for additional exposure.  (Lines like "dopplers all the way down."; masterful.)

Cheers,

--Janet (W)