Planes of Existence by Bill Sarre (Reef Dreamer) - Short, Rom Com - To win the girl he fancies, a young physicist must first come to terms with an alternative sense of reality. 3 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey Bill, thought I'd repay the favour and read your latest.

First off reading your script prompted me to take a look at:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plane_(esotericism)
In esoteric cosmology, a plane other than the physical plane is conceived as a subtle state of consciousness that transcends the known physical universe. Okay, that's pretty clear but it's going to take a while for me to read about seven planes of existence - I think I'll stop right there for now.  ;D

Okay, in your story are the three 'ghosts' indicative of past, present, future?

I really like this concept and combining it with the genre of romantic comedy is a solid idea for the story but I did get lost a few times.

The main problem I had was with the third entity cause at times I couldn't work out where the third entity went, or what they were doing. Felt like a third wheel.  ;)

Reading on, of the three Sarah's one walked off but the other two remained?

And then:
The faded Sarah checks out some clothes, until it also splits
in two. One turns away, the other picks up a jacket.

Okay, there's two at any given time? But then they can also split off?

Why does the WOMAN when Jake collides with one of her alters (ghosts) jump with shock. Okay I get it - she just reacted to Jake yelling, right? Along these lines are these three entities all aware of one another? They appear to be to some and yet not to others.

MAN, 65 seems to recognize his - or is this cause he's intoxicated?

Speaking of which I loved MAN, 65 and think you could do more with him - the humourous elements there were terrific (as was the physical comedy with Jake at the start - a little cliched, but it still works). Perhaps bookend MAN - he could appear in the library at the top and then further on. I think that could add another element and be funny if he is observing Jake the whole way through.

On a technical note I'm all for asides/tells, don't mind them at all, but a couple of yours I didn't think actually added to the read. You telling us 'she likes him' for example - is a bit redundant. The description of the way Sarah looks at Jake should really accomplish that.  

Also: Couldn't Jake just: 'gets up, follows her' instead of 'decides to follow her'.

And this line:
'To leave she has to walk past Jake. As she does, Sarah
maintains eye contact and casts him a friendly smile.

Seems like a blatant 'tell.'  I'd start that line with 'Sarah maintains eye contact... and then: (she walks past him and towards the exit/door).  She could then turn, look back, give him another (cheeky) glance or smile - then we'll definitely know she likes him without being told.

Jake stares until - reflected in the window - he sees two
faded versions of him. One either side. Slowly, he raises a
hand, waves to himself. Neither waves back.
I think: 'faded versions of himself' here, or faded versions of his own body - and: 'he raises a hand, waves.' to counteract doubling up on 'himself' - hope that makes sense.

TYPO:
spilt up - split on p. 3

Sorry, I'm being a bit nitpickety here.

I actually enjoyed this script more than my critique might at first appear.

I do think it needs just a bit more clarity in the actual writing.

Great idea.

P.S. Curious. What was the 3 page challenge for? A comp?

Hey Libby

Much appreciate the read. Indeed, i have made a few minor changes and altered the typo. Thanks.

For some strange reason i love page limited challenges. My usual sin is cramming in too much and then tormenting myself as to how to make it fit. Hey ho, must scratch some itch of mine...wont go there.

I know the following question will pop up...why don't you just write a longer script now its not in the comp? Good question, don't know. Just like trying to challenge myself plus its a good discipline to write lean and focus on whats needed and whats not. Well, thats my excuse :-)

I also appreciate there are a few liberties taken in terms of how this should be formatted. If i had five pages no doubt this would be a five pager and a bit more conventional.

You are right that the versions are meant to loosely translate to the future and past, but also how we have options and choices and that 'other' versions could go in different directions. I originally had this idea for the last OWC but couldn't get it to tie into the criteria. Instead i thought it would suit the rom com better, but the distorting affect could also be suitable for a psychological horror.

all the best

I really liked it.

A short look at the Quantum Multiverse theory where a new Universe is created at every divergent event.

Sort of tough to do in such a short space of time, but you've pretty much done it.

Thanks Rick, kind words.

I think if a producer can pull off the effect this could be a fun little script to do.

Cheers

Hey, Bill.

I really liked it - very nice.

The things that irked me - not even that, but I kind of feel that there should be some conversation between them before he falls. Or some kind of mutual interest that we must know of - like they pick up the same book or something, something more than just glances.

And I didn't like her say "Head injuries can be serious". I think she should be either overly geeky and say something very clever, or something simple like the rest of us, normal people would say in this situation.

That's all. Very nice I think. What 3 page challenge by the way. I havevn't heard of it. Not that I have anything for it...

Thanks Khamanna

glad you liked it.

Quoted from khamanna And I didn't like her say "Head injuries can be serious". I think she should be either overly geeky and say something very clever, or something simple like the rest of us, normal people would say in this situation. .

Good call. i like that and will have a think.

Fun to see something done with the "many-worlds" theory ( in which all possible outcomes branch off into individual realities), which your script is a version of. And in three pages!

Of course, Real Bill wrote it this way, Faded  Bill #1 would have made it a feature, and Faded  Bill #2 wouldn't have stopped at Jake #1 and Jake #2. He would have had Infinite Jakes, Infinite Sarahs, Infinite Pub Guys. Probably hard to pull that one off, though!

All of which is to say, I like it.

Henry

Hey Bill - how's it going - not been around awhile but I checked in and saw this so had to give it a read :)

'ntresting, but I don't see all of it sitting right, and I think one of the things is that the alternatives aren't alternatives too anything. I think maybe it needs more room as some scripts won't fit into small spaces, but if the guy were to screw things up with Sarah, and his alter-ego's were not to do so, then the altenative(s) would have have a little more meaning - they would be lessons to him.

As it stands it's a little bland, but from his conviction at the end, he seems to be a changed man but we haven't gone through what it is that changes him, and I think that is the emotional connect that is missing. I think it's an interesting idea that's been outlined, not explored. IMO stuff.

Hey Bill,

Reads really well -- the head crack part -- He almost asked her out but then things move on.  I gotta know...  Lol

Fun read
Tony

Quoted from Forgive Hey Bill - how's it going - not been around awhile but I checked in and saw this so had to give it a read :) 'ntresting, but I don't see all of it sitting right, and I think one of the things is that the alternatives aren't alternatives too anything. I think maybe it needs more room as some scripts won't fit into small spaces, but if the guy were to screw things up with Sarah, and his alter-ego's were not to do so, then the altenative(s) would have have a little more meaning - they would be lessons to him. As it stands it's a little bland, but from his conviction at the end, he seems to be a changed man but we haven't gone through what it is that changes him, and I think that is the emotional connect that is missing. I think it's an interesting idea that's been outlined, not explored. IMO stuff.

Hey Simon

Thanks for the read.

Does seem a while since I've seen you about...so to speak.  ;)

I agree that in three pages the character depth is a tad slim, but on this occasion the concept is a big one so has to take centre stage.

Whilst jake doesn't change, per se, his glimpse of the alternate worlds that could exist does help him find the motivation to carry on and get the girl.

I could expand the script, but hopefully if a film maker thinks this an interesting concept to tackle we could agree the next steps together.

if you have anything in need of a read let me know.

all the best

Quoted from khamanna And I didn't like her say "Head injuries can be serious". I think she should be either overly geeky and say something very clever, or something simple like the rest of us, normal people would say in this situation.

Good idea, now changed. Thanks. :D

Quoted from TonyDionisio Hey Bill, Reads really well -- the head crack part -- He almost asked her out but then things move on.  I gotta know...  Lol Fun read Tony

Thanks Tony, I appreciate the read. Glad you enjoyed.

At three pages long you really have to read it for what it is - gentle humor around a thought provoking concept. Well I hope.

Code JAKE What the...? But...how?

Ew. I haven't read the other reviews, so I accept I may be the only one that hates seeing things like this in a screenplay or novel. It's really cheap. I can understand a 'what the fuck?' But two separate statements is too much. Personally, I'd drop the whole lot and leave the actor to figure out what to do. The best acting happens when nobody says anything at all. The circumstances and resultant body language and actions of the actor should be enough.

Code His snaps out of it to see...

Typo.

Nice story, mate. I had a couple of issues with your writing, but you've been at this too long to listen to me now, so I'll keep it to myself.

I like the idea though and the ending is good. Despite the complicated subject matter you simplified it wonderfully. I've been toying for quite some time about writing a feature along a similar subject matter but have never got further than simply having the desire. An actual story hasn't presented itself yet.

Well done. Nice and easy to make.

Hi, Bill.

Quoted from Reef Dreamer Whilst jake doesn't change, per se, his glimpse of the alternate worlds that could exist does help him find the motivation to carry on and get the girl

Here's the thing: Why does he need motivation? The girl likes him, smiles at him, talks to him. Treats him well. There's no reason for him to believe he can't get her. Maybe if she was out of his league or they had started with the wrong foot somehow, that would explain his "pessimism".

The concept is really clever though and you managed to squeeze a lot of stuff in three pages. Good job.

Manolis

hey Dustin,

Thanks for the read, appreciated.

Quoted from DustinBowcot Code JAKE What the...? But...how? Ew. I haven't read the other reviews, so I accept I may be the only one that hates seeing things like this in a screenplay or novel. It's really cheap. I can understand a 'what the fuck?' But two separate statements is too much. Personally, I'd drop the whole lot and leave the actor to figure out what to do. The best acting happens when nobody says anything at all. The circumstances and resultant body language and actions of the actor should be enough.

Its a fair point, and probably one of personal taste. Mind you I do catch myself doing this a bit too much, but on this occasion i think it's ok as it helps, IMO, reinforce the confused state of Jake. Like salt in food, too much is off putting and the same applies for these type of thing.

Quoted from DustinBowcot Code His snaps out of it to see... Typo.

Good catch. Thanks.

Quoted from DustinBowcot I had a couple of issues with your writing, but you've been at this too long to listen to me now, so I'll keep it to myself.

Au contraire, i would love to hear them.

I KNOW that my english isn't that strong  :'( :'( :'(  and i have keep working at it. If I stop listening and learning, then I'll stop improving.

Quoted from DustinBowcot I like the idea though and the ending is good. Despite the complicated subject matter you simplified it wonderfully. I've been toying for quite some time about writing a feature along a similar subject matter but have never got further than simply having the desire. An actual story hasn't presented itself yet. Well done. Nice and easy to make.

Thank you. And i hope it does appeal to someone.

cheers

Code To leave she has to walk past Jake. As she does, Sarah maintains eye contact and casts him a friendly smile.

I think this action block is a little messy.

As Sarah leaves, she casts him a friendly smile.

We shouldn't need to know that to leave she must walk past him... who cares, even? I think you can also drop the eye contact part as to smile at him she would need to look at him.

Code Jake watches Sarah stroll past - decides to follow her.

After a moment of consideration, Jake follows her.

I think it goes without saying that he would be looking at her when she smiles at him. I imagine he would consider the smile first before following.

Code Jake sits up...

I harp on about this quite a bit to the noobs. No need for 'up'.

Code Jake eyes widen in shock.

Typo... Jake's.

Code Jake blinks, blinks - dumbfounded.

I'm not sure if you meant to do this for effect or not.

Code Jake feels nothing.

We can't know that, particularly when the actor will be acting out your very next sentence:

Code He stands frozen to the spot, as though he's having an inner melt down.

He's not going to look like somebody that isn't feeling anything.

Code ghost like

ghost-like... you do it a few times in the script. In one part of the script you have "ghost" like. Simply doing this 'ghost-like' negates the need for the inverted commas.

Code One ‘ghost’ Jake strides away from Jake into the shop.

The above reads a little awkwardly.

One of Jake's ghosts strides into the shop.


Idea for an alternate ending. Jake is killed by the car and maybe before he dies he sees his ghost walk out of the shop with Sarah. Or, just have the viewer see it after Jake dies.

Bill,

Comments are like pills.  Sometimes, the small ones do the most good.  Read with care.

Nice idea.  A bump on the head allows the protagonist to see multiple versions of reality.  But why stop with people?  Wouldn't he see multiples of everything--the taxi and its multiple outcomes?  The shops, the streets, etc?  A car turns one way, a phantom car turns another?  

But it is limited to people, and I buy that.  And I like he uses his newfound power to go after Sarah although I would like it better if he used the power in some other fashion first.  Of course, showing him using the power to avoid something negative would help too.  Alas, only three pages.

Overall, good work.
Best
Richard

Dustin

Thanks for that.

Inevitably there are many ways to write a script, but I always find it useful to have such feedback. Makes me think.

Cheers

Hey Reef - took a look:

I thought this was an effective micro-short.  I'm not sure if the theory is actually called Planes of Existence or something else, but I'm familiar with it and I think it's an interesting one. Good topic to follow in a short.

I enjoyed the social ineptness of the protagonists, their dialogue was entertaining. Specifically Sarah's medical dialogue when Jake hit his head. The drunk guy at the bar was great too and the everything will be okay somewhere line was a nice line to summarize the script.

I'd offer a tad different perspective on this: I would change up the timing with the ghosts appearing for some ambiguity whether it's all in Jake's head or not. Right now they appear after he started asking, what if they appeared before and he saw one ghost Jake leave with her causing him to follow her? After hitting his head he could be simply imagining the theory that he was just reading about to summon up the courage of asking Sarah out... or it could actually be real.

Two things that stood out negatively to me were this line that could work much more effectively with a facial expression imo:

Quoted Text JAKE What the...? But...how?

and the character introductions. They were very bland and uninteresting. I'd try upping the magic there.

Hope this helped. Good luck with it!

Well done- a very interesting concept.

I now you are limited to three pages so it is a tough handle - but I would have liked to see some definition of what the two ghosts meant (e.g., one = the path taken, one equal the path not taken) - or something like that. All in all though - it was intriguing - I wanted to read more

Well done- a very interesting concept.

I now you are limited to three pages so it is a tough handle - but I would have liked to see some definition of what the two ghosts meant (e.g., one = the path taken, one equal the path not taken) - or something like that. All in all though - it was intriguing - I wanted to read more

Quoted from RichardR Bill, Comments are like pills.  Sometimes, the small ones do the most good.  Read with care. Nice idea.  A bump on the head allows the protagonist to see multiple versions of reality.  But why stop with people?  Wouldn't he see multiples of everything--the taxi and its multiple outcomes?  The shops, the streets, etc?  A car turns one way, a phantom car turns another?   But it is limited to people, and I buy that.  And I like he uses his newfound power to go after Sarah although I would like it better if he used the power in some other fashion first.  Of course, showing him using the power to avoid something negative would help too.  Alas, only three pages. Overall, good work. Best Richard

Hey Richard,

Thanks for the read.

I think you've hit it. Three pages, only so much that can be done. But the idea has quite a few options. Not sure it could support a feature, and to be honest I'm not bothered in extending it.

I could make this a little longer but the short focused approach hopefully appeals to producers. Well i hope so.

All the best

Quoted from DS Hey Reef - took a look: I thought this was an effective micro-short.  I'm not sure if the theory is actually called Planes of Existence or something else, but I'm familiar with it and I think it's an interesting one. Good topic to follow in a short. I enjoyed the social ineptness of the protagonists, their dialogue was entertaining. Specifically Sarah's medical dialogue when Jake hit his head. The drunk guy at the bar was great too and the everything will be okay somewhere line was a nice line to summarize the script. I'd offer a tad different perspective on this: I would change up the timing with the ghosts appearing for some ambiguity whether it's all in Jake's head or not. Right now they appear after he started asking, what if they appeared before and he saw one ghost Jake leave with her causing him to follow her? After hitting his head he could be simply imagining the theory that he was just reading about to summon up the courage of asking Sarah out... or it could actually be real. Two things that stood out negatively to me were this line that could work much more effectively with a facial expression imo: Jk and the character introductions. They were very bland and uninteresting. I'd try upping the magic there. Hope this helped. Good luck with it!

Hey DS, sorry for the late response.

Glad you enjoyed this. I understand that some aren't so sure about the what the... Etc I'm not quite sure why this is such an issue and in an action heavy film I think it would appear fine, but I appreciate for raising the point. Makes me think.

Regards

It comes across as bad drama to me... I think it comes under this: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SurrogateSoliloquy

Quoted from eldave1 Well done- a very interesting concept. I now you are limited to three pages so it is a tough handle - but I would have liked to see some definition of what the two ghosts meant (e.g., one = the path taken, one equal the path not taken) - or something like that. All in all though - it was intriguing - I wanted to read more

Hey Eldave

Thanks for the read.

i think you are right that with a few more pages it could be enhanced, or embellished, but hopefully any producer they can see the concept and no doubt they would have their own views on where to take it.

all the best

Quoted from DustinBowcot It comes across as bad drama to me... I think it comes under this: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SurrogateSoliloquy

Thanks for the link Dustin.

As we know many films have moment when a character reflects to themselves. I was just thinking of Neo in the matrix when he's asked  to try and get out of the building and is stranded on the ledge alone, doing something out of the norm.

The question is when is it ok to do, or indeed when does it add?

I suppose i think the small element i have here is acceptable since, a bit like Neo, he is thrust into a strange experience alone, and is muttering to himself.

Too much and its going to seem weird, or weak.

cheers

Quoted from Reef Dreamer Thanks for the link Dustin. As we know many films have moment when a character reflects to themselves. I was just thinking of Neo in the matrix when he's asked  to try and get out of the building and is stranded on the ledge alone, doing something out of the norm. The question is when is it ok to do, or indeed when does it add? I suppose i think the small element i have here is acceptable since, a bit like Neo, he is thrust into a strange experience alone, and is muttering to himself. Too much and its going to seem weird, or weak. cheers

I thought the 'wtf?' was fine... people do say that. It was the 'But... how...' that tipped things over that edge for me.

Quoted from Reef Dreamer Hey DS, sorry for the late response. Glad you enjoyed this. I understand that some aren't so sure about the what the... Etc I'm not quite sure why this is such an issue and in an action heavy film I think it would appear fine, but I appreciate for raising the point. Makes me think. Regards

Hey Reef, likewise on the late response.

I'm with Dustin, it's the "But...how..." that makes it overdone for me. It of course depends how believably the actor would pull it off on the screen, but I'd ask if it's worth the risk of looking dodgy on the screen. The actor's "what the..." expression would say everything about his thoughts at the time and the but how question is already obvious. I think a facial expression would be better than a muttering of "what the..", but just "what the.." wouldn't be bad either imo.

Quoted from DS Hey Reef, likewise on the late response. I'm with Dustin, it's the "But...how..." that makes it overdone for me. It of course depends how believably the actor would pull it off on the screen, but I'd ask if it's worth the risk of looking dodgy on the screen. The actor's "what the..." expression would say everything about his thoughts at the time and the but how question is already obvious. I think a facial expression would be better than a muttering of "what the..", but just "what the.." wouldn't be bad either imo.

Hey DS, I appreciate the feedback.

This is where the likes of SS can really help. We may not all agree,  indeed probably not, but we get the feedback - free of charge - and those who are prepared to listen have the chance to digest.

The whole discussion over two words, with '... ' In between has made me think. I have actually cut the 'but...how.'  But you know what, I could see a producer  put it back in. I think it is so close to call it's tricky, but  if. we want to get better that's where we should drill

Cheers

Bill,

Great concept and development. As far as filming, it would be relatively simple to do with a three camera setup on a mount/tripod. The slight difference in angles and their merging during editing would also give an almost stereoscopic effect. I hope you film it sooner rather later.

The only thing that stuck in my mind in terms of editing the script was the level of detail. I got bogged down in the description. I suggest adding a visual cue such as having a sign on the steel shelf behind him that reads 'Physics' or something that shows what he is doing along with maybe some wadded up notepaper and a calculator on the table (Reminds me of my time in university). Putting so much detail in the description made me lose focus at times. So, I recommend paring it down and really focus on the visualisation.

Note: I realise I am dating myself by suggesting a calculator since smartphone apps have probably replaced such an archaic device. What can I say except I remember when my parents bought one of the first gen microwave ovens... with a dial.

Ian

Hey Ian,

Thanks for the read. Appreciated.

Glad you enjoyed, and really interesting to hear how it could be filmed. That's stuff I just don't know.

You are right that as a script it would benefit from a little bit more, but hey, I liked the challenge of three pages.

Thanks again.

Bill

Good opening page, clean writing. I like the furtive dynamic between character and environment before a word is even spoken.

“Goes out cold. As he comes round,
Sarah peers down, a concerned face.”

- Wow, this is the quickest recovery from a concussion I’ve ever seen! The length of a full stop to be exact. ;)

SARAH
OK. Well, I’d better go. Take care.
See you soon, maybe?

- That was rather rude of her. Did she not detect Jake plucking up the courage to ask her to coffee? Or was that all in Jake’s concussed head?

“The Man takes in Jake's weird manoeuvres. He considers his
drink, sniffs it to make sure. Seems OK.

- I understand you are trying to inject some humour here but the gag of someone seeing something strange pass by them before smelling what they’re eating/drinking has surely entered the “off limits cliché” list...at least for a few decades anyway ;)

There are the makings of a decent script in here, in the notion of parallel worlds and diverging realities branching off with ever increasing possibilities. “Run Lola Run” dealt with these themes in a cool way. Have you seen it? I know you are not trying to tackle something as big as that in a so few pages but I did get that sinking feeling of “what’s the point?” Which, in your defense, I generally get with most scripts of this length which only seem to really justify their existence when framed around a set up and pay off gag/skit of some sort.

I mean, if you are going to take on something this conceptual why not try to formulate a fleshed out story around in order to explore the topic in some meaningful fashion? Even if it’s just a ten pager or something.
On the other hand, I appreciate that this may be more of an exercise or a short short suitable for a student filmmaker given the enticing visual elements on offer here.

Also, I did like the ending somewhat that suggests the potential I mentioned above. Jake seeing one of his versions pair off with one of Sarah’s before the former goes after the real one…but I couldn’t help thinking why he hesitated to go after the real one when she left the shop window, instead hanging back with one of the versions that went inside the shop?

Are you commenting on how we will do anything to avoid chasing what we truly desire for fear of failure and settle for an inferior imitation, a frivolous distraction? Where the stakes are lower thus there’s less to lose and the potential for pain/hurt/rejection is therefore minimized?

Or was Jake just too lazy, unmotivated, distracted, etc to seek out the real Sarah? That it took getting nearly run over by a car to realize the genuine article is the only pursuit worth pursuing?

Or am I just talking through my a?shole since he did make to follow her in the library before concussing himself. In fact, his over zealousness led to the accident and subsequent perception of these other versions of people.

Also, purely from a practical standpoint, having him linger in front of the shop window gave the opportunity for him to see his own versions materializing in his reflection. Perhaps, there’s a warning about the perils of narcissism in there somewhere too, similar to your “Know Thyself” script.

So, in short (or long actually), I’m not sure what you’re trying to say with this and that may be the point.

Col.

Hey Col

Many thanks for the read. I always expect an intense consideration of a script from you, and you didn't disappoint

First off i appreciate the there page limitations and that this can feel a little underwhelming.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 - Wow, this is the quickest recovery from a concussion I’ve ever seen! The length of a full stop to be exact. ;)

Too true. With 3 pages i can't him just lying about :-)

Quoted from Colkurtz8 “The Man takes in Jake's weird manoeuvres. He considers his drink, sniffs it to make sure. Seems OK. - I understand you are trying to inject some humour here but the gag of someone seeing something strange pass by them before smelling what they’re eating/drinking has surely entered the “off limits cliché” list...at least for a few decades anyway ;)

Thats a fair point and actually been one those niggles I've had at the back of my mind. I like the way i get him to see the two images of himself, but the opening element was weaker. After a think i have changed this. I may need to fine tune it but, like he parallels the images later on, this time he parallels the weird walking to get to a seat. Hopefully little more joined up.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 Are you commenting on how we will do anything to avoid chasing what we truly desire for fear of failure and settle for an inferior imitation, a frivolous distraction? Where the stakes are lower thus there’s less to lose and the potential for pain/hurt/rejection is therefore minimized?

What was i aiming for? Good question.

I think at its heart is a debate, not about whether there could be parallel lives, but what the implications of knowing this could be.

Jake is cautious, he wants something - the girl - but fails to be decisive (more pages would help this i accept). When he sees another 'him' take action and win the girl, this encourages him to carry on.

I suppose its meant to be a thought provoker.  What do you find hard, what can't you do? Do you think another you could do this? Can you imagine how would they pull this off?

In an infinite universe, with infinite outcomes, all things happen. So they say.  ??)

Now, off you go...

many thanks for the read.

Hi Bill  (Reef Dreamer), I know this has been up a while. I was just curious as to what 3 pages contained. I'm impressed, certainly makes you think, as any form of writing should, great job.

I have so much to learn about formatting though.

Thanks Gary,

I had to re read this one to remind myself about it.

There was once a web site called movie poet. Most months we would have a five page writing competition. It was a great place, along with SS, to fine tune what you could do in that space. Most of the time I tried to cram in too much, so that was my lesson to learn...still is.

This was written for a three page challenge, and in reality it is too much of a story for that length, but it was fun to try.

I actually like the concept a lot and may be one day I'll give it the attention it deserves.

Thanks for the read.

Ps - you have no obligation, but if you wanted to read something a little deeper, you may wish to try my script, The Elevator most belonging to Alice. Regards

Bill