Matchbook by A. A. Medina - Short, Murder, Crime, Drama -  An arduous discovery drives a distressed man to take drastic measures. - pdf, format 8)

Adrian,

All comments come with a 27 second guarantee.  Your milage may vary.

Let's start at the beginning.  A dark and stormy night...Yeah, I know it adds ambience, but why add it if it doesn't add to your story.  Same with location.  Why not a wharf or a quarry or someplace he can dump the bodies?  Allen comes to this spot why?  And is this set in the 50's or does Allen own an antigue car?  From the cigarettes, I'd guess it is the 50's, but I don't know.

And we have Allen's talk to himself about why he killed Brian.  The matchbooks, which is a good device.  They're the same, and he figured it out.  Good.  Why talk to Brian as if he's still alive?  Either Allen said all this before he shot Brian or it's meant soley for the audience.    Would it be more effective if he leaves that stuff out?  Would the ending be more of a surprise if Allen doesn't say much, if he talks only to the matchbooks?  I don't know.  I did expect to find Susan in the trunk.  I might not have expected it if Allen hadn't spilled the beans earlier.

Overall, this is a  nice little piece.  You could add a hint of madness if you have Allen talk to the matchbooks instead of the dead man in the back seat.  Last point, I don't think 1950's cars had headrests, but I could be wrong about that.

Best
Richard