Searching by David - Short, Love Story - we spend our whole lives to search for the only one, Andpeople pass by, and dont really sure he/she is the one, but for one is sure that Gob wont leave you alone in this world. 5 pages - pdf, format 8)

David,

I strongly recommend you revise and correct your extensive typos in both your logline and script. Also, I suggest you format your script to a standard template (Cole & Haag, for example) and resubmit. As it stands, reviewers will get too hung up on these two issues without giving you constructive feedback about your content.

For example,

"You are so nude. I just got hurt so bad..." Unsure what nudity has to do with the old man laughing in an inappropriate situation, but I know from context that you meant "rude". However, I had to reread it. It slows the reader down.

Once you correct the typos and reformat it, I would be happy to give it a more thorough read through for content.

Ian

David

I tried to read this and had to give up, the formatting isn't to a normal script standard and there are errors everywhere...

E.g.

INT. THE PARK - NOON... parks are normally exterior.

As Ian said there's also typo's and spelling mistakes throughout, I suspect that English may not be your first language?

I did read to the end, the idea of the Old Man comforting her was interesting, but not sure laughing at her to start worked for me, maybe it could be softened by starting by smiling?

Anyway, lots to work on here.

Anthony

David,

Pass by all inane comments.

this one lacks formatting as well as content.  Dialogue is 'on the nose'.  It leaves very little for the audience to guess, and the audience loves to guess.  Take a hard look.  If you truly want a love story about a true love passed over in order to pursue the unattainable, read Cyrano de B...I can never spell the last name.  Look for reinventions of the story.  They're all about passing over the love on your doorstep.

Best
Richard