Forever Amber by Richard Russell - Short, Thriller - What would you pay to live forever?  A man discovers that he pays dearly. 12 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hi Richard - a few thoughts, just my opinion of course.

Tonally felt a little Twilight zoney, never a bad thing and it worked well.

Think this would work well, with intertwined flashbacks and his dosier as the deice into them.

Was expecting a twist and liked yours, worked as a decent payoff.

My only constructive comment would be around the dialogue, some it seemed too long imho.

Good job.

Anthony

Anthony,

Thanks for the comments.  This was my effort to do a 'doll' story.  More flashbacks would make the story more visual.  Putting Amber in scenes instead of photos works, although it ups the price of production.  

Thanks again.

Best
Richard

Hi Richard,

As usually, this is very well-written and the idea is interesting, but I'm not sure what happens in the end. Okay, Michael has become Amber, but who is the "Michael" who stands on the sidewalk? Has Amber become Michael (body swap) or the second Michael is a new "creature"? Also, was the first Amber the real Amber or some other person who had turned into Amber the way Michael now has? It's a little confusing.

Another thing: While Michael based his initial assumption on evidence (the photographs), his story about the medieval lady, the stealing etc. seems to be completely out of his imagination. Unless I missed something.

A good and enjoyable script overall, but I think it needs a clearer ending.

Manolis

Manolis,

Thanks for the read.  You guessed the outcome. Michael takes on Amber's body, and Amber becomes Michael.  A trade, except that the new Amber will never age.  Yes, the flashback he concocts may or not be the truth, but it doesn't matter.  The keeper of the doll becomes Amber.

sorry about the ending.   Will work on that.

Best
Richard