Big Energy by Tony D - Short - A man shows his love for energy and the hard working people who provide it. 4pgs. - pdf, format 8)

Took a quick read, thoughts are just my opinion of course.

Liked it, quick and easy read and the twist was revealed well, worked for me.

Only thing that I didn't go for was the use of 'fucking' in the action line, I've no issue at all with profanity but in a script I think it should be in dialogue, might just me though ;-)

Anthony

Hey Tony,

I'm glad us folks at Simply Scripts inspired you to write ;-)

This read like a comic sketch or spoof commercial. If that was the intent it worked!

-Mark

Tony,

I kinda liked this one. It came across as sort of a sarcastic PSA, and reminded me of those insurance commercials with that guy who's always hanging off someone's car, getting them into an accident.  

Well written, your asides didn't bother me as much this time around.

Why was it dedicated to the folks at SS?

Steve

Tony

No big energy needed to read these comments. Take with a side of energy.

Reads like you're trying for parody or irony. Gets close but I think you can push the envelope. No one minds a hot shower. If the hot shower means a cold one for the poor, you have a point. Toast is agood thing unless it forces someone to use a fire. You get the point.

The ending is looking for irony.  Big energy fails to save poor Louis. I think that you can make your point by being a bit more outrageous.

Best
Richard

Quoted from RichardR Tony No big energy needed to read these comments. Take with a side of energy.

Take it with a side of whatever your want to take it with.

Quoted from RichardR Reads like you're trying for parody or irony. Gets close but I think you can push the envelope. No one minds a hot shower. If the hot shower means a cold one for the poor, you have a point. Toast is agood thing unless it forces someone to use a fire. You get the point.

No, I really don't get the point. So, poor people sacrifice hot showers so people with money can have them? I shoulda showed a split screen -- rich guy in a hot shower, poor guy in a cold shower cuz rich guy stole his hot water. That's straight out of the liberal play book.

Toast is made on a fire? I really dont get that, sorry. Maybe marshmellows.

Quoted from RichardR The ending is looking for irony.  Big energy fails to save poor Louis. I think that you can make your point by being a bit more outrageous.

Actually, the ending told nothing about Louis' fate, only that he is gone. You want to believe that big energy is the demon, which makes YOU the exact person this is written for. congrats :)

:P

I had a quick read through this one, Tony.

Spotted a typo on page 2 - You refer to him as Lewis rather than Louis when he's tackled by the security guards.

Like the others, I thought this came across as more commercial material than a short script. Nothing wrong with that though. What it does do, is highlight mankind's over-reliance on all things oil based, and point out that so many people don't actually realise the wide ranging uses of crude oil and its fractions. Putting all our eggs in one basket, so to speak.

Oil will run out at some point, and that's a fact. And unless we've diversified, we're goosed.

Tony,

If I missed the point of your sp, I apologize.  But I still think that if you're praising big energy, you might consider a different tone, and if you're doing a parody of big energy, you can make it stronger.  I won't go into politics as this is a board for writing.  

Best
Richard

Wan't my cup of tea.

Quoted from Dustin I'm not sure whether your argument is for the huge profits 'big energy' makes or for the continued research into and implementation of cleaner fossil fuel derivatives. I also cannot see how this script was inspired by members here rather than whatever newspaper you choose to read. I'm guessing that you lean to the right.

That's good that you're not sure, means I got you to examine issues. Inspiration came from previous discussions about the police and the varied stances people have. Seemed like big energy was a good topic to follow up with since it is also unfairly attacked with little defense, yet everyone uses it - especially writers with computers,  internet and communications.

Quoted from Dustin Not that I lean to the left, or lean anywhere in particular. I call myself an anarchist only because I don't have any political affiliation and nor do I believe big government is necessary. They are no better than a criminal organisation.

You consider yourself an anarchist? That's using violence to overthrow government or establishment.  I thought you live in the land of monarchy? If so you have work to do,  lol.

Quoted from Dustin I suppose, either way, the argument falls to money and politics. Which is very high on your agenda. You love the society created for you by your government... because you're just fine. Doesn't matter what the fossil fuels you are burning does to generations down the line because you'll be long gone by then. All that matters is that you stay true to your right-leaning ideology. Parroting every propaganda message like a preacher doing the devil's work for the church.

You are telling me what my agenda is? Well, you're wrong, I do care about pollution to the environment but not Gloal Warming/Global Cooling/Climate Change or whatever fake science. I am a constitutional conservative if you must know and living in a free market with a limited goverment is what I prefer. Something anarchists dont. But since you want to get personal, you are the propagandist judging by your 'slave' stories and anti police scripts. You want it to live on and prosper.

Quoted from Dustin One shouldn't be thanking 'big energy' for anything. It was mankind that devised and invented... not a corporation. The corporation is a nonentity set up to take advantage of that and seeks only to serve its own ends. Innovation to other areas, for that particular corp, is not desired. For mankind however, it is in our interest to do things better.

Wrong yet again, corporations allow 'employees' nor 'forced workers' to make a living bringing cheap goods and services  such as tablets and iphones, computers into our lives. Without the organization of large businesses, your iPhone would cost way too much for the majority of us to afford - and then how would you spread your anarchy worldwide  without them?

Quoted from Dustin Why would you put yourself in a box and side with a corporation that only seeks to take care of itself rather than accepting that mankind must innovate and therefore change?

So now the nonentity only cares for itself? You need to crawl out of the box, mate. Go move to North Korea and enjoy yourself.

Kip, oil is indeed finite but technology is reaching further and further into the earth and discovering more and more. Supplements to energy are in use, but alternatives, they are not even close to being..

Tony

Quoted from eldave1 Wan't my cup of tea.

No tea, thanks. I'll have some hot coffee made with good ole electricity, though. :)

Well written and I liked Louis - especially on the tarmac - he comes across as comedic and goofy, and your visuals are very good.

Quoted from Tony Seemed like big energy was a good topic to follow up with since it is also unfairly attacked with little defense, yet everyone uses it - especially writers with computers,  internet and communications.

Is it? Unfairly attacked? Oh, I love my electricity - it's getting bloody expensive now it's privatised, but terrific invention.

Second to clean running water, imh.

Speaking of water, apparently the Irish are up in arms at the moment about having to pay for it.

Back on topic, I don't know, if your message is pro-big energy your script definitely comes across as anti and parody. That doesn't appear to have been your intention.

Quoted from TonyDionisio That's good that you're not sure, means I got you to examine issues. Inspiration came from previous discussions about the police and the varied stances people have. Seemed like big energy was a good topic to follow up with since it is also unfairly attacked with little defense, yet everyone uses it - especially writers with computers,  internet and communications.

The only time I hear Big Energy being attacked is to do with their huge profit margins and rising costs to the consumer. Is that what you are defending?

Quoted Text You consider yourself an anarchist? That's using violence to overthrow government or establishment.  I thought you live in the land of monarchy? If so you have work to do,  lol.

You need to look up the definition for anarchy. It doesn't have anything to do with violence, nor does it have anything to do with overthrowing anything. Here is the definition, nice and simple for you:

Absence of government and absolute freedom of the individual, regarded as a political ideal.

Quoted Text You are telling me what my agenda is? Well, you're wrong, I do care about pollution to the environment but not Gloal Warming/Global Cooling/Climate Change or whatever fake science.

Well we agree on something then. I happen to think climate change is caused by the sun. However, I'm still aware that pollution is harmful to us and other forms of life on this planet. So why would you praise the continued use of something that causes it just because it has helped us get where we are today?

Quoted Text I am a constitutional conservative if you must know and living in a free market with a limited goverment is what I prefer.

That sounds pretty close to an anarchist to me. I also believe a free market is the way forward. If we had a free market what use would the government be? As there wouldn't be any need for war.

Quoted Text Something anarchists dont. But since you want to get personal, you are the propagandist judging by your 'slave' stories and anti police scripts. You want it to live on and prosper.

I didn't write an anti police story. I laid out some facts behind an entertaining narrative and it was then up to the reader/viewer what they took from it. Same with the white slave story. If you read it you would see that the agenda is actually quite innocent, despite the touchy subject matter. That story also went on to be a finalist at the BBC Writer's Room thingy and a Semi-Finalist at Shore Scripts.

Quoted Text Wrong yet again, corporations allow 'employees' nor 'forced workers' to make a living bringing cheap goods and services  such as tablets and iphones, computers into our lives.

I didn't say anything about forced workers nor what employees of a corporation do. My argument was simply that it is human beings that invent and innovate, not corporations. Corporations naturally only think about the bottom line. For example... a product that is extremely cheap to grow but not only voracious when it does so and can be used in multiple applications that could bring down multiple corporations through they not being needed anymore. It would be in those corp's best interests if said product never made it to market.

And, here is where our beliefs meet... because in a free market, said product would prosper and anyone would be able to sell whatever they like without limitation to governmental license and restraints. I believe a free market would accelerate innovation to an unprecedented, unrestrained level. It would benefit rich and poor alike... so long as the same rules applied, of course.

Quoted Text Without the organization of large businesses, your iPhone would cost way too much for the majority of us to afford - and then how would you spread your anarchy worldwide  without them?

You seem to be responding from the standpoint that large businesses shouldn't exist when I have argued no such thing.

Quoted Text So now the nonentity only cares for itself?

Now? That is how it has always been.

Hi Tony,

Took a read, not quite sure what to make of this, like the comments above, it also comes across like a commercial and very sarcastic. Was that your intentions? If not then, supporting pollution is a horrid thing, not only is it killing the nature of what this world has to offer, it is killing all of us.

We have a free clean energy source which only a small percentage of the world chose to use. Hydro electric power, battery charged cars and craft, using our own ionosphere to electrify our homes instead of using gases and other companies to supply us.

Using phones, internet etc are all at our disposal for free and it is also clean and causes no harm to our planet, but so few are willing to make an effort and build this technology on their own, or at the very least do research about it.

Not a single one of us needs a corporate company to supply us with energy, buy a solar panel, you don't need sun to create energy, the raise will create that alone. Build your own generator and supply your home for free. Do the research on this, it will change your life.

So to me if you are giving a pat on the back to the corporate corrupt jokers of this world then thick again.

Besides all that, the script reads well and it flows, I to think the 'fucking' in the description is unnecessary.

Cheers

Lee

Tony

I was rather put off by the didactic tone in your “Thank the Police” script. The message was writ large in block capitals with zero nuance, subtext or metaphor, just straight faced finger wagging. Not very interesting. It is sometimes the necessary measure to take if you are writing a PSA or propaganda puff pieces…but not screenplays.

However, to your credit you inject a bit of humor here and don’t get bogged down in the po-faced seriousness of that previous work. Your message remains very obvious and up front but at least now its surrounded by a bit of fun.

The final gag of Louis falling off the turbine was probably the least funny moment but I got a few chuckles in the buildup. His increasingly smug and self satisfied delivery as he lists off the benefits of his beloved fossil fuels was amusing. While getting kicked off a runway and hauled out of a strip club dressing room were highlights.

The guy just appreciates the hell out of petroleum!

Col

Quoted from LeeOConnor Hi Tony, Took a read, not quite sure what to make of this, like the comments above, it also comes across like a commercial.......... Lee

This is exactly it Lee. It is uninteresting as a script because much like Thank The Police - it's a commercial. Reading BP's latest commercial would have the same intellectual appeal.

For example - I have a Smart Phone, Computer, etc. If I wrote a script called "Thank You Technology" and just listed a series of events where people were enjoying their electronic devices and shouting "Thank You Big Technology" it would be a single tone, tedious bit of writing. However, if I added a slave wages factory in China (Thank You Technology), a landfill stuffed with non-degradable computer components (Thank You Technology), etc then it would be a bit more interesting. If I added a character who was an anti technology protester only to ultimately be in a position where technology was needed to save him from some horrific event - even more interesting.  

The Thank You scripts suffer as well because any thoughtful person knows that in most cases there are two sides to an issue (e.g., energy = good, pollution = bad) and when they read something where only one side is championed it by nature becomes boring.