Beyond Help with Handy Andy by Colin O'Brien - Short - A documentary-style sit-com send-up of expert-based reality shows like Kitchen Nightmares, Bar Rescue, Hotel Impossible and more, “Beyond Help” follows well-meaning but misguided ‘Handy’ Andy Cornwall as he travels the country, bringing his special brand of “help” to various people in need. 36 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hi Colin,

I just had a read of this. I'm usually not part of the target audience, not really a fan of the somewhat 'flat' sitcom humor, but I have to admit, your script raised a smile on my face a couple of times. I especially liked Miguel, the camera guy, nice idea there - not quite political correct I guess, but definately funny.

There's not really much to critzise here, I think you did a pretty good job. One thing I didn't like was about half the dialogue is voice over. I get how it serves the story here, like stressing the ambiguity between Andy's view of himself and the reality, but I think it is a bit too much. It reads like someone is reading a book some times. Maybe try to transfer a bit more through actions of the characters. At some points you have Andy talk to the camera to make his statements, the Carter family could do the same to get their point of view across. Like that approach much more than the VOs. The point is, most of the jokes are transfered by a voice over comment which stands in contrast to the reality, which seems a bit 'cheap'. The situational comedy is much more funny, like the confetti bag, miguel throws at Vanna's head for example.

Hey, I appreciate the read and insights, ThorstenL! I'll take another look at those VOs. How'd you feel about my attempt at 'heart' btw Andy and Sandra? I'm hoping it didn't feel too forced or saccharine.

Hey excuse me but is there any way for me to replace this draft with the latest draft? Thanks in advance.

Submit it again. Explain it's a revised draft, and Don will post.

Steve