Marshine by David Odessey - Sci Fi, Fantasy - The discovery of native Life on Mars ignites a chain of events that transform Martian Colonization from a trickle to a flood. 70 pages - pdf, format 8)

David,

Good sci-fi idea, bad screenplay execution.

Way too many 'blocky paragraphs.' Despite a quick 70 page read, the story quickly becomes bogged down. The Olympus deserves a much grander introduction - it is a "character" per say.

Too many 'we' mentions.

"The women are led to a conference room where they are
interviewed by a panel of female counselors. These veteran
women of XANTHE interview and advise them on social issues.
---------
"Tell me sister, is the latch rusty or well oiled?"
"What I know is that you grab a man by his balls and his
heart and sou1 will follow.
"Pink is every mans favorite color."
"How many men!?"
"What we can't have is Bitch Warfare."

^what does any of this mean?

"After a few jokes ADAM breaks the ice and the three become
friends. " - you are the writer, so write the jokes.

Solid idea. Fix the formatting and rewrite!

Tony