Quoted Text There is a long silence. MARTY sits there smiling while JOE looks a little schizophrenic. |
How is it possible to look schizophrenic?
Quoted Text No, you got some nerve. Not many people would pick up a hitchhiker in this area. |
Wrong use of the phrase "you got some nerve". That's something a person says after taking offence.
Quoted Text hahahahaha.
MARTY makes eye contact with JOE who is just staring. |
Better to say Marty laughs and makes eye contact......
Quoted Text Sorry for being so cryptic. |
Joe wasn't being 'cryptic'. His statement was very direct.
The scene headings are all over the place.
EXT. DESOLATE COUNTRY ROAD
DAY
then
INT. CAR
then
AUTO SHOP
EXT.
DAY
It's EXT. AUTO SHOP - DAY. Be consistent.
Quoted Text MARTY rings the front desk bell and it seems as though an intimidating figure is about to emerge from the back. All is right when NIX, late 40’s, a smaller whit man comes out. |
Seems as though an intimidating figure is about to emerge?? How?? Do you hear the JAWS beat in your head before he emerges. You're the writer think of something better.
Whit man??
Quoted Text MARTY looks around and sees weapons aligning the walls |
Weapons don't align the walls, builders do. Weapons lined the walls.
The screenplay really lost me at the fire he started to burn Joe alive in the passenger seat of his car with sufficient heat to burn the body to ash, but only burn the passenger seat.
It's your script so make it a bit easier to swallow. Maybe he asks him to sit in the back which is very spartan. Metal shields rise up and then the wisecracks and fire.
It really has too many errors to read on. It needs a lot of work.