I don't feel that the short hallway scene on the first page is really necessary, I think the following will be better.
Reluctantly, Colin gets out of his bed and slowly walks to the --
KITCHEN
You can remove the scene numbers
Quoted Text it looks like nighttime |
The scene heading already points out it's nighttime.
Quoted Text INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT - TEN YEARS AGO - CONTINUOUS. |
Remove continuous, could be mistaken but I think that's meant only for scenes that happen right after the previous one time wise. Also is it the teenager Colin that is walking down the hallway?
V.O go beside the characters name LESLEY (V.O)
Quoted Text I think about it every single day. I don’t want to, but I do. It pains me to think about it, but I have no other choice. It’s a part of my life whether I like it or not. I’m just happy it’s over with. |
This comment seems too on the nose for me, in fact the rest of the conversation is like this.
Not much to say about this, nothing really gripping, just a teenager dreaming about a bad moment in his past. I feel Colin's and Bill's face off could be a bit longer than what it is, seemed to be resolved too quickly and too easily for me.