Death Pod by Simon Parker - Short, Sci Fi, Fantasy - After the sudden death of his wife a great scientist uses a secret military weapon to transport her back to life, but when she sees the price of this weapon she takes her own life. But she will then learn that death will never be an escape. - pdf, format 8)

Hi there,
   I read your script and it's not bad.  It's easy to follow, but, the dialog needs a lot of work.  You keep repeating the same thing over and over.  You need to change it up.

SPOILERS

We know he loves her.  We know she's back from the dead.  We know she feels like he shouldn't have done it.  You state that far too many times.  

Also, your logline needs work.

MAJOR SPOILER HERE

Also,, the logline is a bit misleading b/c the ending makes her a new person, so, she won't recall it, at all.

The dialog is really hard to read, so, fix it up and then I'd resubmit it if I was you.  Also, he doesn't act like a scientist at all.  There is no discussion of time travel lingo at all.  How do they go back 6 months?  Does the pod create a rift?  Does it create a parallel world?  Does it create a pocket dimension?   There are dozens of other ways he could get her back.  I'd do a bit more reading on the subject.

Good luck with it
Dan

Simon,

I often wish I could go back in time and fix comments.  Read with a watch on.

You have a nice idea.  A man in love figures out a way to pluck his GF from death's clutches.  Could work in a lot of ways.  However, this one suffers from some logic issues.  Why does he keep the dead bodies?  Seems stupid unless he's doing experiments on them, which is not indicated.  Better to get rid of evidence, no?  And how  many does he need?  One modified brain should be enough?  In any case, we need a reason to keep the bodies and it can't be to make her distraught at the end.

Second problem.  Once he plucks her from the past, how can he pluck her again.  She's ceases to exist at that moment.  Now, he can keep going back in some increment of time and grab her again, but he can't from the same moment, because he brought her back.  You might have an interesting twist if he had to keep going back 6 months at a jump to get her.  She's 26 the first time.  The third time she's 25, the fift time, 24.  Hmmm, would be a real problem if he got her a dozen times, and now, she's 20--and in love with someone else?  In any case, the way it's set up, it can't work.  

One more problem for me.  If you know anything about government projects, you know everything, everything is described in triplicate.  There is very little chance he would be able to keep his 'secret' a real secret.  There would be plenty of redundancy built into the machine and the documentation of the machine.  Find a way around that.  He would certainly be able to destroy or sabotage the machine ( i prefer sabotage since the machine still looks like it will work), but the specs for the machine would still exist.

The dialogue neds work.  He repeats his love far too often.  

Best
Richard