Hades by Mark Kees Miller - Series, Suspense, Sci Fi - A man having bad dreams of someone else's past finds out it is connected to a conspiracy linked to a 1960's street gang affiliate. 78 pages - pdf, format 8)

Mark,

I'm guessing you are a young aspiring writer so I'll be kind. You need to adjust how you write scripts. I suggest reading more and then picking up a few Screenplay technique books as well.

I will say you have an interesting style of writing that made me laugh  out loud. . I'm sure that wasn't your intention, however,  I highlighted some of the passages:

Michael embraces Anna as they kiss some more, while Anna wraps her legs around Michael and jumps on for the ride. Michael walks Anna straight towards a wall next to a closet across from the bed and he humps her on the wall while they both breathe heavily with bite of the lips kisses.

He turns his head to the left and he sees a lady in her late 20’s (ANNA) and they never met before obviously. Michael smiles finally and then his smile stops as he stares into her eyes. He growls like a bear and she laughs and of course he laughs too. MICHEAL stares in to her eyes again and for some reason they both have an irresistible urge to kiss and so they do. Breathing deeply they slowly break out of the kiss they were into.

Michael  slowly rushes over to ANNA

He is wearing a suit and no tie because he is a suit and no tie type; like he just finished doing business.

Gl

Slowly rushing is a good one. I'll have to use that.

Quoted from DustinBowcot Slowly rushing is a good one. I'll have to use that.

Martin Hannett told Joy Division while they were recording Unknown Pleasures -

"That's not right, you need to play it faster, but slower."

R

This is throughout both of his works and the organization of his words is truly hilarious. Again, I don't believe it to be intentional, but this level of entertainment is priceless.

One of the best scripts I've read in a while.

Hi Mark: I read the first few pages. You have odd spacing issues throughout - not sure what program you are using - but it's not in the correct format.

First few pages written in passive voice - should be active. A few examples:

Quoted Text MICHAEL (33) is seated at the bartending table taking down shots

Better as:

MICHAEL (33) sits a bar - drinks shots.

Quoted Text MICHAEL is sitting at a table listening to music

Better as:

Michael sits at a table -  listens to music.

Good luck -