Check Mates by Paul Knight - Short, Crime, Thriller - Set in a bar unnamed strangers ( man and woman ) cause trouble.  20 pages - pdf, format 8)

I'm reading your screenplay.  First thing is what's up with the all caps?  That's not format correct.

Write in present tense.  I'd recommend screenplay software that's free like Celtx (that I use) or others.

You have a ton of run-on sentences.

If the man has an accent, you have to let us know, not when the waitress says it.

when the waitress laughs, you put that in a separate line in (laughs) then do her dialog.

If they have speaking rolls, you might be better off naming them.  I'm losing track of who is who.  That isn't good.

I really don't see why you didn't give them names.  

I gotta admit, I didn't care for it.  Why kill everyone in the bar?  It makes no sense.  You didn't give them a reason.  If you were going for natural born killers vibe, then let the news station talk about a rash of murders across the state or something similar.

Good luck with it, it needs a lot of work.  First, fix the format and do a lot of reading and then figure out why your characters do what they do.

Dan

I thought this would have something to do with chess which is why I peeked in, but after reading the log it seems that it isn't... so that put me off. I would have still opened it but it appears that you have some issues to address before this is readable.

Hey Paul,

The logline isn't a logline and like what has already been said, the formatting is all wrong. You are not going to get any decent feedback if the basics are not covered so get some screenwriting software like Dan recommended, read up on the basics of screenplays (there's plenty of free tutorials online) and read some produced scripts - there's a full list in alphabetical order on the main Simply Scripts website.

-Mark

Thanks for the feedback
I will take the advice on board
it was my first attempt