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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Series  /  Spider-Man: The New Avenger
Posted by: Don, May 16th, 2015, 3:18pm
Spider-Man: The New Avenger [EP. 1] by Gabriel Young - Series, Action, Adventure - Spider-Man's first adventure in the 'New Avenger' series.  - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: Max, May 23rd, 2015, 10:02am; Reply: 1
Spider-Man eh? Not exactly on my top five list of superheros but that's a discussion for another time.

p1. - You might want to consider including "FADE IN:" at the start of your script, it's not always required but it's a suggestion.

"We move" or "We see", writing like this is usually frowned upon... try to avoid it wherever you can.

"Leaping on and off structures... performing acrobatic stunts
that of the most professional gymanist the world has EVER
SEEN"


I had a problem with this little bit of description, it reads awkwardly... "that of the most professional gymnast". Consider revising.

gymanist is a typo, GYMNAST is the correct spelling.

"ON FLOOR" slug, all fine and dandy but this is followed by 12 unbroken lines of action... it's incredibly overwritten.

p2. - 22 lines of action? That's a serious problem.

p3. - 23 lines of action? This is where I stopped.

I skimmed through the rest of the script and it didn't stop.

I'm sorry but you need to trim this down, I'll be willing to give you feedback on a revised draft.


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