Sleeper Cell by Rick McCormick - Series, Thriller - An Iraqi, whose family was killed by U.S. soldiers, must help the F.B.I. find a sleeper cell of terrorists from the fifth 9-11 plane before they can attack the U.S. 58 pages - pdf, format 8)

Rick,

Popped this one open and see some trouble.  I will address the most critical one first.

The Facts.
Americans didn't go around kicking doors down in Iraq in 1991.  I have buddies that were there.  They got to the outskirts of Baghdad and then were called back and we left Iraq for the most part then.  No IEDs and such as you mention that is one year later in the script.  We returned in 2003 and did those things which seems like what you're trying to portray here.  Just make sure this is all correct because some that have been there notice this right away.

The writing
Some good writing going on and some not so good.  I didn't know Wafa was a female at first because you didn't mention it in the description.  Make it clear from the start, especially for main characters.  Some of the word choices are a little strange like

Muslim Boy springs to his feet with trouble containing himself.

Just doesn't sound right.  Go back through some of the action lines and clear up some of this, especially in the first 5 pages because that's what you have to hook your audience.  Unfortunately, for me, you didn't because of the things I've mentioned.

If your around, I might read a bit more and comment.  Otherwise, go through and fix some of this.  Good luck with your rewrite!  :)

Rick,

I really like the premise, but as stated in the previous post, there are problems. The timeline is an issue that confuses eras. IEDs and VBIEDs were not really an issue in Desert Storm, and were not much of one in OIF I. Only on my second tour were the insurgents using them in great number and to great effect. Also, during DS, we weren't hitting terrorists as described. It was unit-on-unit combat, for the most part. Once OIF I kicked off 12 years later, it turned into an insurgency after a brief lull following the collapse of the regime.

Another issue with the timeline is that DS took place in 1991, while 9/11 occurred ten years later. Understand the she assimilated and eventually became an FBI agent. It just seems that her "romance" with Paul would evolve or make some significant change. As written, their relationship seems no more advanced than 1992 or 1993 rather than 2001.

Finally, the show title you are using is the same as a show from 2005-2006 starring Oded Fehr and Michael Ealy. This may lead to confusion.

I believe this has promise. However, setting this story in a more stable and credible timeline is vital for this to be a coherent story. Once you do that, then a more in-depth review can help you with details about locations, military and police procedures, etc.

Best of luck.

Ian