Destiny by Christopher Pantoja - Drama - A man torn apart from the lost of his family. He has to look deep within himself to find peace, But in the process hurts everyone around him. 14 pages - pdf, format 8)

Christopher,

Comments come in all flavors.  If these match your palate, enjoy.

I'll write as I go, and this is your beginning.  It's not well written.  

A couple is cooking together making a beautiful and colorful
meal. The women is beautiful, tall, with long silky hair,
and looks about in her early 30’s. The husband is tall
handsome, broad chest, and he also looks about in his early
30’s.
Let's go through this.  'a couple cooks a colorful meal.'  Simple, straight forward.  'The women?"  you mean 'woman', right.  And at this point you should name her.  So, let's start over, 'ABIGAIL, 30, long hair, beautiful, cooks a colorful meal with BLUE, 30, handsome, all-american male.'  there, you've condensed the first paragraph into a sentence.

that should be your goal.  Simple, descriptive writing.

Most of the first scene is cliche.  There is no tension, no hint of conflict.  Even the sex is passed over as if it needs no real description.  The dialogue is wooden and unconvincing.  

We reach the police cruising scene and I"m guessing you're not American.  "food ball' is not 'football'.  And 'quite' is not 'quiet'.  'there' is not 'their'.  

The accident and death feel contrived.  

The next section entails a lot of scenes that are delineated.  If you want to show Blue buying beer, you have to use a slug line and a description--if it's important.  I'm not sure it is.

And blue goes right to hell, which is a cliche.  And Ace tries to help...hmmm.

We suddenly have a figurine that means something.  It is almost comedy when Blue impales himself.  

What I suggest is this.  You have way too many basic English errors to correct.  So, learn English better.  Do that by reading a bunch of screenplays, as many as you can.  Get a mentor to help you with your writing.  Get one that will tear your work apart.  Otherwise, you won't learn.  You will have to put in a lot of time learning the basics before you get to how to create a good story.  Because no one will read your work in its present form.  Everyone's time is too precious.

best
Richard

Thank you so much for the response. It's something I'll have to work on.