Stone Cold Sober by CJ Walley - Short, Drama, Thriller - When a man confronts a woman that’s tailing him, he learns she's his future daughter who knows about an awful crime he’s yet to commit. 8 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey CJ,

First of all, no Fade In or Fade Out? Get them in there and you can scrap "The End".

Story-wise this is pretty good and I enjoyed it quite a bit. Daughter coming back in time to stop her Dad doing something terrible. It's nice.

I think the whole bit at the start, with her following him can be scrapped though. Start it from the day he approaches her. Show her following him then. Or have him approach her that night. I think either one of these would read better.

The ending is pretty nice but a little drawn out and could be executed in a quicker and snappier way. It's pretty emotional though and him coming good at the end (hopefully) is a nice way to finish.

Good effort here.

Good luck with it,
Glenn.

I think you're wasting your energy with this one, mate. This author doesn't seem (that I can gather) to respond to any reviews on their work.

Ah my bad. Gotta get to know the no-show writers..