Droid Wars: Cells by Ty Caudle - Scifi, Fantasy - A male covert agent finds and trains young elite operatives in the present day to fight in newly started wars against an android army with artificial intelligence and a global killer virus designed to be carried by children under the age of ten. 107 pages - pdf, format 8)


Droid Wars: Decrypted by Ty Caudle - Scifi, Fantasy - In the second installment of the present day android wars, a top female secret agent must work with a notorious assassin to find the truth about her parents, deep cover operatives that worked for a mysterious agency that may hold the key to save humanity. 113 pages - pdf, format 8)

Droid Wars: Winter of Discontent by Ty Caudle - Scifi, Fantasy - In the third and final installment of the present day android wars, an elite scientist and his team must discover the only way to finally defeat the highly evolved artificial intelligence defense systems in the hybrid android army or humans will forever become their experimental slaves. 97 pages - pdf, format 8)

Nice job getting all those pages and a story finished...now...I read the first 5 pags and it's all so boring. Given the title, I would expect some real action. One of the reasons for boring is you've overwritten. Your first 5 pages could have been condensed into one, or upon  reading further, I might have discovered they could be cut all together. I don't know.  What I do know is that your story won't get less boring. There is a post on the site called scriptease. It's a free ebook and I suggest you download it and read it.

My gut says you need to read more scripts (scripts of your genre made into movies) and then try an edit rewrite. After that get some pointers on how to cut the fat and show you how cutting the fat makes your story read better.

I scanned the middle and the end. Still boring. Way too much dialogue and the action writing is dull.

So like I said, go read some action scripts.

Read action scripts.

Quoted from cloroxmartini So like I said, go read some action scripts.

Here's to not line-outing one's own sentences!