Stray by Tettey Nartey - Drama, Thriller - In a future world of lies, Jake wants to know a truth. 79 pages - pdf, format 8)

I was taken out of this quite quickly. Although some of the writing is decent, it needs an edit. Some of the word choices don't make sense and it really slows the read down.

For instance -

Meager crowds travel throughout the lagging environment.
From the crowd,a tall,thin and apathetic man disperse, rustling two coach bags in one hand.This is DEALER,30.

Now 'meager' (or 'meagre' if you're British) isn't a great choice when talking about a crowd, but I know what you mean. However, how does an environment lag?

And a crowd can disperse - but one man can't.

And if he's carrying two bags, perhaps just say that. Not sure if the rustling has a purpose or how he can be rustling two bags with one hand.

Anyway, you could have a great story here. But I'd recommend making the writing a little clearer if you want to get more reads.