The Test by Richard Russell - Short, Drama - In a futuristic society, life changes for a teenager who can't pass the test. 12 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey Richard, took a read, a few thoughts, just my opinion of course...

1) I think some of the action blocks are a little too long and over explain details... a polish will fix this no doubt.
2) I wonder if an over SUPER may be useful to establish it's in the future? Not sure myself but worth considering.

Other than that I really liked it, reminded me of Farenheit 451 a little, good job!

Anthony

Anthony,

Good call. It is a bit like 451, and it is meant to be. A super makes sense if i can decide on a time.

Thanks
Richard

Like Anthony, I'm finding this slightly overwritten which hurts the read. Luckily you've done just enough with the story to keep my interest piqued.

Code She comes right to him, and they share a brief kiss.

Just write... they share a brief kiss.

To do it she would have to be next to him. How she gets there isn't that important and it would negate the need for the awkwardness of 'She comes right to him...'


Reminds me a little of Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, and I always enjoy the similar spin offs, of which I would count this story as one.

Why are books banned and movies not?

Aside from that, nice work. An interesting story.

Thanks for the read and notes.  Books are banned because they are uncontrollable.  Media content, however, is easily controlled.  Keep the people as dumb as possible.

Best
Richard

Quoted from RichardR Thanks for the read and notes.  Books are banned because they are uncontrollable.

In what way are they uncontrollable?

Anyone can make a movie... anyone can write a book...

In this future,  no one can publish a book, and only the state can make and distribute a movie.  Think of the controls China puts on their internet.  Certain items are cannot be researched.  In the old Soviet Union movies were the products of the government. In a wired world, censorship becomes easier, no?

Richard

Richard - sent you a PM re this one.

Quoted from RichardR In this future,  no one can publish a book, and only the state can make and distribute a movie.  Think of the controls China puts on their internet.  Certain items are cannot be researched.  In the old Soviet Union movies were the products of the government. In a wired world, censorship becomes easier, no? Richard

Censorship becomes harder in a wired world.

So if the government has so much control then why are books banned? Why not simply allow the books they believe are OK just like they do the movies? The movies can't be that bad as the kid has the posters plastered over his bedroom walls.

Code JOSH, 14, headphones on, watches a movie on his tablet. Typically teenage room with posters of movies and angst, modern and windowless.

What did you mean by 'angst' in the above action block. Please bear in mind that I already know the definition of angst. I'd just like to know what it means in this context.

Dustin,

We can discuss whether a wired world is inherently more free or provides a mechanism for more control.  I think of my story world as a place where all info requests go to a site like Wikipedia where information can be anything you want it to be.  No other site would be available.  Propaganda at its finest.  Books, on the other hand, while controlled at inception, offer a medium that can be altered before being passes on.  Writing between the lines--provided people can still write.  Older books can't be controlled at all.  Right now, we see the battle being started against the open net.  Many countries have begun to censor the flow of information.  China is not the only example. In America, there is an effort to search blog posts for examples of 'hate speech'.  Email is swept by NSA for key words pertaining to violence and political leaders.  The history of government is generally a never ending effort to control information. War and crisis offer excuses for information control. 'You can't handle the truth.'  

As far as teenage angst is concerned, my thought would be a poster not of a movie star or rock band but perhaps a clown, a stylized demon, a flower, a bridge to nowhere.  An image that depicts some facet of this youth.  I leave it to the director to insert that specific image.  In this case it might be an image of graffiti, freedom of expression.

But enough is enough. I hope I've shed some light on my thinking and welcome yours.

Best
Richard

I'm already well aware of censorship and government media control. It happens in every country in the world, mostly without us realising it. That doesn't mean there isn't a way around it if so inclined. History is adulterated or even inadvertently misrepresented. It just really jars with me that books are banned and movies not. This could all easily be 'unjarred' by getting rid of the references to movies.

I can't agree that film is more easily controlled than paper. They're just different mediums for telling stories, or sharing information. Anyone with a camera can make a propaganda film and distribute it.

The way that it is written in your story is as though only books are controlled. There's no mention of any other types of media also under such strict controls. I know exactly what you're going for, I'm fairly well read. I just see this as a hole in the logic of your story.

Hey, Richard.

This was very interesting, I liked it a lot.

Two things:
p7 - I did not understand the importance of spray painting. Is it that Josh tried to tell Granger he was in trouble? If so - looks like Granger knew anyway, he set Josh up for this. I think this bit clutters the story a little.

The other thing - I know Ron's wife's been to the education camp. But the conversation on pp6-7 makes me think otherwise. Granger said "you managed to hide" - something like that. Does it mean Ron has intelligence as well? I know Lola is very intelligent and they've done things to her. I think you better stick to one.

Anyway, nice story.

We agree that government tries to control the flow of information. Why are films easier to control than books?  Good question.  You suppose people can make a film and distribute. Before YouTube distributing a film to a mass market was difficult unless you could get distrbution through a production company or cinema network. In the old Soviet Union, no one, even if blessed with equipment could distribute a film unless sanctioned by the government. The same holds for new books.  But old books can be passed around more easily. The don't require special equipment to be read.  

In my story, I don't mention a controlled media, just a woman mindlessly watching a soap.  I do mention librarians because they seek books in order to destroy them. We, fortunately, live in a place where media are largely uncontrolled, but that is not the norm. And how difficult would it be to take control of the media?  

I wish to be clear.  Because books have a permanence that a telecast doesn't have, a book is less malleable. The old soviet used to photoshop leaders from the May Day parade after the leader feel from grace. In a digital world it's simple. In tha analog world, erasure is more difficult.

Best
Richard

Hey Richard: Gave it a read. Here are my thoughts:

Overall - a solid effort. However - the first page has to be streamlined - to many large action blocks and I almost gave up on the first page (glad I didn't).

So - this may be incorrect - but this is basically a digital vs. analog (for lack of a better term) controlled world. i.e.,, digital media controlled and censored - anything that doesn't fit that criteria banned. If I got that wrong - then the next comment is irrelevant.

So - I get here:

Quoted Text JOSH, 14, headphones on, watches a movie on his tablet. Typically teenage room with posters of movies and angst, modern and windowless.

Gave me a WTF moment as I expected just the opposite - barren lifeless walls without the typical kid posters - i.e., sterile like the kitchen. i.e., would a censored society allow for movies posters - especially in the house of a librarian? Anyway - the sterile control scene from the kitchen to the typical teenager movie posters seem liked one room was in the future and one room in the past.

Quoted Text Granger leads Josh and Ron through a basement cluttered with boxes and old bicycles and racks of clothes, the flotsam and jetsam of a long life.

Love the above description!

Quoted Text GRANGER Obviously, I didn’t obey the prime directive.

Not sure about using "prime directive" here. It's a prominent and common phrase in Star Trek. Unless it's use as an homage - I would go with something else.

Quoted Text We know what they’ll do to him in the education camp.

A nit - but "camp" was just - well - too rural for me. Not severe enough. Maybe something like education compound or education center.

Quoted Text GRANGER There’s a village on the other side of the river. It’s full of people like Josh. I can arrange to get him there.

Okay - I'm going to play unfair here. Yes, I know you need a l land or space somewhere where people learn unfettered and free.  But a village on the other side of the river??? The censors and control mongers aren't going to know that that place exist??. They are smart enough to censor and control the planet, have librarians show up at the house the minute the son hits the road - but they got no clue about a village across the river? TO me - that wasn't plausible and was the point that the plot hic-cupped.

I think this has great potential for a feature. There is a lot to work with here.

Best of Luck