Nothing Special by Vinni Chiocchi - Short, Drama - A young, female doctor must stay grounded for her cancer-stricken mother while surrounded by pettiness and self-indulgence. Sara will soon unveil a world changing secret. - pdf, format 8)

A few notes as I go:

• Pg. 1.  You don't need to tell me that "Sara" is female.  I know she's female because her name is Sara and you refer to her as "her"...which...you know...denotes female.
  
• Pg. 1.  You don't need to tell me that the small kitchen is in "her mother's house" because you already told me that we're in "SARA'S MOTHER'S HOUSE" in the slug line.
  
• Pg. 1.  "She stared at the back of her mother's bandana...".  Should that be "stares"?
  
• Pg. 1.   Again:  No need for the "F" to indicate female.
  
• Pg. 1.  Don't tell me after the fact that Robin was hacking and coughing.  Show me her hacking and coughing.
  
• Pg. 1.  "to placed her cereal bowl"  I'll chalk this one up to a typo.
  
• Pg. 1.  The first two paragraphs read like a novel, not a script.  Scripts are lean and mean.  Novels are...not.
  
• Pg. 1.  Watch the wrylies.  I personally don't care that much about them, but there are those who will crucify you over them.  Seriously.  I've seen it done.  There was this raving lunatic from Arizona who reeked of Jägermeister and kept shouting something like, "The wrylies will set you free!", then he nailed himself to a cross and...well...I don't know what happened to him after that.  Moral of the story:  Use wrylies only if you need to.
  
• Pg. 1.  "This damn chemo is sucking the life right out of me."  Welcome to Exposition Town!  And by "Exposition Town" I mean a town where you spell everything out in order to get a point across to the reader because you didn't take the time set things up properly, thus informing the reader in a natural way of the situation that they, the reader, finds themselves in.  You should have shown us a bald Robin or done some research on what chemotherapy patients go through when they're at home, and incorporate those items into the story.
  
• (see note on "exposition" for the remainder of page 1.)
  
• Pg. 2.  The wrylies will set you free.  Also:  (see note on "exposition" for all of page 2.)
  

I see what you're going for here but you need to work on making your characters seem real.  Try reading your script back aloud and see how the dialogue sounds.  

You have plenty of formatting errors as well which destroy any kind of mood you may have created.  I'm not sure if you're using any kind of software to write you scripts, but you should be.  Try Celtx.  It's free.  If you have money to spare:  Final Draft.

Unless you're directing this yourself, lose the camera directions.  They don't add anything to the script and they show your inexperience.

I hope this helps.  Keep writing.

Jordan

Vinni,

Comments are always in present tense?

Screenplays are written in present tense, not past tense.  

Wrylies galore.  I'm from the school that believes dialogue should carry itself.  You shouldn't need wrylies for the actor to interpret the lines.

Sorry, but the dialogue is mostly cliches.  The story attempts to portray those whose problems seem slight in a poor light.  After all, isn't Sara trying to cure cancer?  Doesn't work for me.  No surprises, no real conflict, nothing happening.  Overheard conversations seem like too much coincidence.  Good luck with this one.

Best
Richard

Thanks for the detailed advice. I had gotten this script read by someone AFTER I posted this here. I'm glad you all found the same errors as he did. I will definitely be going back to the drawing board. Thanks again.
Vinni