Isolated by Adam Doyle - Short, Sci Fi - A man coming to the end of his service on a space station realises how alone he really is. - pdf, format 8)

Thanks for the upload!

This is my first short script, any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Cheers :)

Adam,

Comments usually qualify as lonely fare.

I'll comment as I read.

I think you can upgrade the first scene by describing some space station details, the sterility.  

Suzy is nice touch.  Stations is not station's ... small mistakes matter.

NOt sure about the next scene.  Suzy seems real, but the interaction is not complete.  Also, where did he get the milk on a space station?

A comment on style.  Don't use 'is stood'...use 'stands'.  Active voice.

We get to a scene, and how do we know it's the next day?  He's dressed the same.  Somehow the time change must be indicated.

And the fuel level issue.  He's alone in a space station, and he has to use a key card?  hmnmmmm

And we get the station going out.  Colin failed in his effort to fix the problem.  He let go.

And we get to Suzy and the kids.  Would it better if there were no Suzy?  Colin made it all up?

OK, I think you can rewrite this and make it better.  Work on active voice and little problems.  I would suggest that you do some research on space stations and add some details that make us believe Colin is indeed on a space station.

Best
Richard

Thanks for taking some time to have a read Richard! :)

I agree some of the smaller aspects of my writing really need to be improved. I definitely agree on having to do some research into space stations to find out some smaller details.

I thought having Suzy and the children actually be his wife and his children gave them more of an attachment to Colin.

Currently working on a rewrite and I will take all your points into consideration.

Thanks again Richard :)