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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Comedy Scripts  /  Penny's Parlor
Posted by: Don, July 31st, 2015, 7:58am
Penny's Parlor by Jim Pagano - Comedy, Dramedy -  Having survived a personal tragedy, a young women finds the strength through a somewhat unusual and controversial set of circumstances to redefine her life. 59 pages - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: Erica, July 31st, 2015, 10:21am; Reply: 1
I'm not sure the logline really hooks like it should.  We don't have any sense of a protagonist or a time frame.  

I'm guessing this should go in the series forum.

I see some formatting issues with the script but over all it looks fine.

I'm 12 pages in and so far nothing has happened.  The story just seems to be another day.  There is no hook to keep the view watching.

"Penny rolls her eyes, but then grabs one. She looks at it,
then in the mirror.
PENNY
’Run the day. Don’t let it run
you’.
She sighs, then puts it down. She spits out toothpaste then
grabs another. Reading it she chuckles:"

Would that be a V.O. or is she talking with a mouth full of toothpaste?

Remember in the logline, Sell your script, don't tell your script.
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