Quoted Text The children play games on the grassy playground. Football and skipping games are in progress. Two small girls are drawing Hopscotch squares. A middle aged teacher, MRS DUNCAN, wanders around. Mrs Duncan is visibly bored by the lunch-time watch. A small boy, WEE EUAN, about eight or nine walks over to a low wall and sits. Wee Euan is wearing glasses and his school uniform, he is a gentle-looking child. He opens his lunchbox and looks at the contents. Slowly and tentatively as though he is handling a dangerous object, he peels the two slices of bread apart. His face falls and he begins to cry. He attracts the attention of two small girls playing nearby. |
Quoted from AngelaNess Thank you very much for that feedback. I have become aware of the piling in of characters at the beginning so that's something to keep me occupied. I've just started using this site so not really sure how it works yet. Do you have something I could read? Thanks again |
Quoted from dead by dawn ... you might want to re-think a thousand intros within the first couple pages. It can work on some occasions, if you have really great character descriptions that stand out and actions that show what type of person they are -- especially if it's a very strong action that characterizes them in one shot or scene. Think of the opening of Reservoir Dogs. You pretty much get a clear idea in a split second of everyone and what they're about, and surprisingly, it's all through amazing dialogue. |
Quoted Text EUAN (CON’T) She told me there was nothing wrong with a man showing his emotions. So I cry a lot. DAVEY (Muttering) Thanks for that. |
Quoted Text INT. GRANNY’S SITTING ROOM. NIGHT. Davey and Chrissie in the sitting room. Everywhere else is quiet. They are in a very peculiar position on the floor |