Our Hearts Condemn by Brandyn Bullock - Drama, Vampire - The quiet, suburban life of a 200 year old vampire is shattered when a figure from her past reemerges and seeks her. 63 pages - pdf, format 8)

Brandyn,

I saw 63 pages and got excited -- here is a writer who can deliver a story quickly.

Saw the opening paragraph and the clean writing with white space, got even more excited.

Then --

Noticed the REV.'s top of each page and scene numbers... okay, if the story is good, that can be overlooked.

A few pages in and nothing happens. Most of the writing is character micro-movements, such as:

"She turns the page before reaching for the cup.

She brings it to her lips and takes a sip from it."

Turns out it has nothing to do with a story.

"She looks up at the ceiling above her, releasing a gentle breath.

Wonder and musing fill her eyes as she crawls through her thoughts."

5 pages just to get to a lesbian scene. 12 pages in and just more banter. Nothing new. Checking out at this point.

GL with the script,

Tony