Blood Red Hands by Logan McDonald - Short, Drama - Luther has just committed a murder for his initiation into the mob. After the act Luther finds the blood on his hands and face impossible to wipe off. for the next twelve hours We follow Luther through the city as he grapples with the guilt and trauma of his actions. 16 pages - pdf, format 8)

Logan,

Comments can be bloody.  

This one is daunting from the start.  Generally, in screenplays, action paragraphs are rarely longer than 4 lines.  Your 16 line opening is dense which makes it difficult to read quickly, and the people who read screenplays for a living always like to read fast.  Your introduction of LUTHER is backward.  The general convention is that characters are introduced in CAPS, this includes the VICTIM.  Break up the paragraph so a reader gets the gist very quickly and easily.

As far as story goes, this one seems far too long.  We have a bit of Macbeth here--out damned spot. Luther can't get the blood off his body, blood only he can see.  We meander through a prostitute and his buds and his girl before we reach the boss's office where he manages to off a couple more and finally come to grips with his new way of life.  I think you can get him there sooner if you skip the buds and prostitute.

I think the story has possibilities.  Guilt is a power theme, and  you manage to capture it with the blood on Luther's hands.  I think you can push the envelope here and have him try more ways to get rid of the blood.  If soap and water won't work, how about paint thinner or turpentine or bleach or, god forbid, fire?  Luther shouldn't be doing the same things over and over.  He might even try confession and forgiveness.  hmmm

In any case, the theme and story are wide open for further development.

Best
Richard