Finals Week (Or, The Unexpected Folly Of Adderall) by Harsh Karthik - Short, Comedy - In a sort-of parody of Birdman, three students stay up all night preparing for their final the next morning. 16 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Wow - is it me, or are the titles on the Discussion boards for new scripts getting better and better?  Love this title (haven't read it yet, but I'm tempted to soon.)  Along with others, such as Man, Woman and Wild and In the Boneyard.  

Seriously, nothing like a great title to attract readers!

Cheers and best -

--Janet (W)

Hi Harsh, didn't read this all the way through. I'll note why:

Quoted Text BLACK We hear a pencil scribbling, and a CRACK- SMASH CUT TO

How does one exactly smash cut from black? In fact, most people around here suggest omitting all "CUT TO's". I never use them myself either.

Quoted Text INT. POWELL LIBRARY, FIRST FLOOR, NIGHT.

No need for a period after a scene heading, it's not a sentence.

Quoted Text THAT VOICE (o.s.) How did we end up here?

That voice? What voice? And, a niggle: "(o.s.)" should be capped, "(O.S.)" Later on you also start putting "(o.s.)" beneath the characters' names. Alongside it is the norm, but either way, try to pick a style and adhere to it.

Quoted Text STEVEN (Staring at Jake - highly subdued, but highly anxious) Hey Jake, I need that back.

That wrylie is way too long. Also, all your wrylies and dialogue seem to be centred, you should consider using scriptwriting software. Or make your own Word script template, as I personally prefer.

These examples are all from the first page alone, so I stopped reading right about there.

Lastly, I don't get the Birdman reference in your logline. Don't think it's a good idea to reference other movies in a logline anyway.

Good luck.


Sandro

Hey Harsh-
     First off,  as an adult with A.D.D.  I am pissed at you college kids using the Adderall I ACTUALLY need and can't get sometimes because you all are abusing it. Although I wish had it when I was in school,  would have made a HUGE difference- so I get it.  No hard (or HARSH- ha get it? Sorry,  you probably hear dumb shot like that a lot. ) feelings. That aside.  
     Interesting read although the Adderall doesn't seem as prevelent as the title suggests. There are a lot of wrylies,  most of them not needed.  I know because I have done the same and the great people on here were nice enough to let me know.  Also,  I'm pretty sure you're not suppose to be using camera angle speak - not until it's near being produced at least.  All in all well written. Just some cleaning up is all.  Keep going at it and Godspeed.
Vinni

Harsh,

Comments can keep you up at night.

This one has some formatting problems, but a different writing program should fix most of it.  Your use of wrylies goes overboard.  Let the dialogue speak for itself--so to speak.  

Drop 'we see' stuff too.  Just describe what the camera will pick up.  \

and then, to the real problem as I see it.

This little tale doesn't ring true for me.  Now, I've been out of the academic arena for some time, but I can't believe these kids talk this way and do these things.  The dialogue is way too on the nose, the actions a bit cliche.  I would expect these modern college students to each have a laptop and a phone which they constantly attend to.  I'm guessing much of the class notes and information would be online--Professors like computers too.  While I'm not certain just what class this is, the mention of formulas and terms leads me to believe it's some kind of science.  If so, get a bit more into it.

If the intent of this story is to show the effects of drugs on education, then push that.  Start small with coffee and nicotine, jump to other concoctions until you get to the ADD stuff.  If Steven is our protag, then push his journey.  Figure out what is needed for his arc and start cutting the rest.  Make it believable.  Convince me this is what a cram session is all about.

best
Richard