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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Drama Scripts  /  Alpha Beta Gold
Posted by: Don, October 4th, 2015, 12:43pm
Alpha Beta Gold by J Todd - Drama - A would-be game designer finds herself up against sexism and fierce competition as she tries to win a prestigious internship. 121 pages - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: Lightfoot, October 5th, 2015, 1:01am; Reply: 1
Is the writer around?


I have read to the beginning of page 3 and have a few issues already, the most minor of which is spelling, only spotted one so far..


Quoted Text
Ruby’s clothes feel faded, warn, and out of
style.


The worse so far is how you tell rather than show


Quoted Text
Young Ruby is resigned to the fact that she will be bullied
more for personality and socio-econmic reasons than the color
of her skin.

The fact that Young Ruby loves to be alone and create on her
own causes the greatest discomfort amongst other girls who
crave social interaction and acceptance.

Young Ruby to these other girls is seen as the loner whereas
she see herself as the ‘lifer’...cherishing her alone-time
for opportunities of inspiration, creation and imagination.


Ultimately, Young Ruby is unknowingly discovering an unspoken
and misunderstood discrimination against ‘loners’ or
‘creators’ who often need to momentarily step away from the
group in order to do something great and inspiring for them.


All of this can be cut, show it rather than tell.
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