Rage Quit by Brandon Saunders - Short - An online gamer reaches boiling point when he is antagonised by fellow gamers. 13 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey Brandon,
I would say something bad about this but i'm afraid you'll come after me with a big black dildo! We've all seen videos of rage gamers on the internet and they are pretty funny but it got a little too real at the end. it would have been funny if he just brought the dildo instead of putting one between some poor saps eyes. Also why does Marvin say "frickin" when  he already says fuck a couple times? it would have been more believable if he was more explicit. Besides that you captured the rage gaming experience to a pretty good tee. I had Roommates that were just like the trolling gamers, cones and all!

Quoted from Logan McDonald Hey Brandon, I would say something bad about this but i'm afraid you'll come after me with a big black dildo! We've all seen videos of rage gamers on the internet and they are pretty funny but it got a little too real at the end. it would have been funny if he just brought the dildo instead of putting one between some poor saps eyes. Also why does Marvin say "frickin" when  he already says fuck a couple times? it would have been more believable if he was more explicit. Besides that you captured the rage gaming experience to a pretty good tee. I had Roommates that were just like the trolling gamers, cones and all!

Cheers mate. I originally had 'fuck' instead of 'frick' but changed it at the end. I must of missed a few haha. I'll ctrl f the Frick out of it.

Brandon,

Can you really track comments?

Why start with MALE VOICE, when it's MARVIN.  You can still use his VO even if he's not yet introduced.
Marvin is a one trick pony.  He yells about being betrayed, but that's not graphic or specific enough.  How about some real time comments--'DEVIL DOG, YOU GOT THE ZOMBIE ON THE RIGHT.  RIGHT, YOU IDIOT!'  Simply having him yell the same thing over and over is boring.

Then, we have Marvin go off the deep end and result to a gun.  Hmmm, wouldn't it be more clever if he devised a way to destroy the other guys in the game?  Jumping to reality seems a bit over the top, but then, I'm no gamer.  I don't know just how devoted these people are.  And if Marvin is that devoted, why not show us that?  His bedroom is a tribute to CALL OF DUTY, or some other game.  He dresses the role.  He is MASTER SARGENT RIP FURY.  You have a viable idea if you push it to the limit.  Give Marvin the background he needs to jump from the virtual to the real world.  

And of course, if he should run into the stoners who aren't really stoners but worth adversaries????  OK, too much.  

Keep writing.

Best
Richard

Marvin as a name should be limited to depressive robots, and should not be used for raging gamers...

Quoted Text Can you really track comments?

I don't know what you mean by that?

Quoted Text How about some real time comments--'DEVIL DOG, YOU GOT THE ZOMBIE ON THE RIGHT.  RIGHT, YOU IDIOT!'  Simply having him yell the same thing over and over is boring.

Good call, cheers man!

Quoted Text Jumping to reality seems a bit over the top

Is it too over the top?

Quoted Text His bedroom is a tribute to CALL OF DUTY, or some other game.  He dresses the role.  He is MASTER SARGENT RIP FURY.  You have a viable idea if you push it to the limit.  Give Marvin the background he needs to jump from the virtual to the real world.

Noted!

Thanks for taking the time to read :)

Can Marvin find the others on his team through their online game presence?  And what if they are around the world?

best
Richard

Quoted from RichardR Can Marvin find the others on his team through their online game presence?  And what if they are around the world? best Richard

Usually when you play online, you are put in games with people that live near you for better connection.

Good to know. Thanks

Richard

Nice read. The Marvin character's dialogue was kind of weird. The use of the word "Fricken" seemed to be over done at times, especially when he used other profanities. The ending was quite sinister...and ended on a very grim note. The ending took any sympathy I had for Marvin away as he legit lost his damn mind.

Nice read, nonetheless, oh...and nice reference to the simpsons with "one two three fake street". That part got a laugh from me. Keep it up.

Quoted from 13thChamber Nice read. The Marvin character's dialogue was kind of weird. The use of the word "Fricken" seemed to be over done at times, especially when he used other profanities. The ending was quite sinister...and ended on a very grim note. The ending took any sympathy I had for Marvin away as he legit lost his damn mind. Nice read, nonetheless, oh...and nice reference to the simpsons with "one two three fake street". That part got a laugh from me. Keep it up.

Cheers mate.

There is an updated draft now!