Gang Warfare by  Randy James White - Action, Adventure - Violent gang members are abducted from the street and dropped into the Middle East to assist the military in fighting rebel guerrilla fighters. 115 pages - pdf, format 8)

While it sounds interesting, along the lines of the Dirty Dozen, but the way the story goes makes it implausible. Arab terrorists are not stupid nor are they bad shots as you portray, and they are far better trained than these street thugs. All I know about street toughs is they use handguns. These aren't hand guns. While many people think they can use an AR, there are some things that will keep them from operating if you don't know how to use them. These guys just up and start shooting and didn't miss.

If you wanted to drive home how serious this is, one or two of your crew could be killed in the first firefight because they DON'T know how to use an AR, and maybe one is gravely wounded, beyond local capacity to help, and he slowly dies right in front of everyone else even after they kill the terrorists. They could bitch at the general to bring help, what have you, and the general according to US morality would probably send a chopper and medics in but maybe the guy would still die. This kind of thing could serve another purpose and that is you need to pull these guys together real fast as a team if they have any hope of survival. The remaining guys see just how real this is and they need to balls up and live together or die apart. Maybe the medic could say a few words to drive that home? Anyway, ain't gonna write if for you, these are just suggestions.

Of course pure dumb action has this kind of stuff in it, the "bad" good guys kick ass right from the beginning and make jokes along the way, like the Expendables, but they are given cred before they take everyone out.

As it this doesn't work well for me. I need some anchor in reality like a Dirty Dozen approach (if you haven't seen it, watch it) but different. I mean, it could be the Dirty Dozen for a new generation, right?

From the tech side your writing is far too wordy. I wouldn't use any other name for Machet-T other than Machet-T. You take great pains to describe how the jeep crashes through the gate when you could just write "the jeep crashes through the gate." Stuff like that.

I'd say it sounds like a first draft, getting the idea down, and I kind of like the idea.

Little point in the title, Don, the file name is "Gang Warfare" and the post is "Gang Warefare." Fighting with forks and spoons.

Interesting idea from the logline, but where is the story?

You have a goal. No stakes,  no urgency.

Opened to see bad formatting. Pass.

hey guys, thanks for reading the script "GANG WARFARE".  For Tony, I am sorry you got the draft where the formatting was off.  That should be fixed now.  To CloroxMartini- I appreciate your comments.  At this point though I am just trying to sell the concept to a studio.  As they say writing is re-writing.