An Extremely Unpleasant Place by Erick Hoffman  - Horror, Horror - An extremely unpleasant place is an undead character driven horror comedy about gods who use twisted forms of both the living and the dead to the betterment of only themselves. 93 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hi,

I think you went overboard with the "zombies like blood and body parts" thing. I think you were trying for a Walking Dead Meets Clash of the Titans thing, but I don't think it works. What would gods want to do with zombies? And I couldn't figure out how Loki comes into this.

Speaking of Loki, were you trying to tie this into the Marvel universe? It left me confused and I found I didn't care.

I felt a Hellboy vibe in the opening scene. It could be really funny with lots of irony. You want people to root for your hero, but the way you have him now, he's just your standard-issue zombie.

It has real potential, and I think I know where you want to go. But ditch the Loki/gods thing, and focus on the zombies -- make them real and funny and more "human".

Thanks wombat, I have been really pondering your comments.

I am going to add an explanation to the beginning, maybe like Star Wars (just joking). Basically it will say "Hell has spit out the dead, moved to earth and this is the story of how it happened." I believe this will strengthen my script and answer your questions. While that takes me forever, here are my comments about your comments.

Your analogy was spot on and norse gods (nothing to do with Marvel) use zombies only to get what they want. The heroes are hinted at throughout the movie. The person in the beginning is a standard-issue zombie.

FYI...This was the world premiere movie and I wrote a tv pilot to follow the movie (http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1445091655/). This script was loosely based off a book I wrote "Chasing the Zombie" available on amazon, free for prime members.

Didn't read the script, can't see zombies any more. Just meant to comment on this:

Quoted Text Speaking of Loki, were you trying to tie this into the Marvel universe? It left me confused and I found I didn't care.

Loki is not a Marvel invention. It's a nordic god, known for his shapeshifting ability which is unique in the nordic pantheon. He is banned by the other gods because he steals from them and often betrays them for his own profit. In the old mythology, Loki often transformed into a giant spider, later he is also said to use the shapes of a salmon, a fly, a bear and other animals.

So after all, the Marvel version of Loki doesn't have all that much in common with the 'original'.

@Equinox

I know Loki is an actual god. But most people ID him as a Marvel universe baddie. This is what corrupting Nordic mythology will do.

I enjoyed the "campy" Marvel version of Loki, but that pretty much defines anything Marvel. I was going for a more traditional use of the character.

Quoted from wombat I know Loki is an actual god. But most people ID him as a Marvel universe baddie.

Maybe with a bunch of poorly educated teenagers it does, but that isn't true across the board.

Are people seriously associating Loki with a marvel character? That's absurd.

Read more. Trust me, you need it.