I've Got This by Ethan - Short, Comedy - We all have that one mate. You know the one. The one who doesn't pay for anything. He hangs out with you at the bar, or gets lunch and always says, "Don't worry i'll get it next time!" but he never does. This script is about that guy, and his name is Tim. And when Tim is faced with losing his friend (and source of income) he will do anything to keep the money "mate" around. 8 pages - pdf, format 8)

Had a quick read, comments are just my opinion...

1) Ethan, why Anon on the script cover and no contact details? I'd suggest your full name and an email address at least.
2) Would he really have Cash Cow as the caller ID? What if Jones saw it?
3) I like the idea of Tim abusing Jones or cash, but the fight bit didn;t fit what you are trying to establish (for me that it is)
4) (Shepards that just opened up.) - no need for this to be in brackets.
5) The end seemed a little tame/unresolved... just petered out.

Kind a liked this though, liked the idea of the homeless version of himself, and the alternate versions of the cook etc.

A tidy up and I think this could look good filmed...

Anthony

Ethan,

Paybacks are hell.

You give us a moocher who uses his buddy until the buddy can't take any more.  I like the first part, especially when Jones takes the hit for Tim.  After that, it breaks down a bit.

Tim gets his comeuppence, but that doesn't work so well for me.  I did like the pnahandler who looks like an older Tim.  The other stuff not so much.  Besides, knowing Tim, if he left the place to find an ATM, he's not coming back.  And I wish you would explore the world of Sam and Tim who seem to both be moochers.  Will they fight for Jones?  Worth a look.

Best
Richard

I loved the logline, even though I don't have a friend like Tim.
'SFX: Vrrrrr... '  What does it mean?
I expected Jones to be a short fat bald man, not somebody who gets flanked by women!
Why does Tim keep repeating 'I've got this'? Shouldn't he be saying something like 'Can I have some cash?'