Soul Manager by Csaba Nagymate - Horror - Soul manager is a story about an abused, lonely young man, Frank,  who, contemplating suicide, stumbles upon his grandfather's artistic legacy and follows in the footsteps of the self-appointed performance artist and painter. Not only is this path marked by revenge, but also insanity and a deadly evil he summoned inadvertently and now has to stop him before it is too late.  105 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey Csaba,
I really like the title. But the logline should be about a third of what it is now. I'm not sure about the term 'self-appointed performance artist and painter?' Can't it just be 'aspiring artist or 'failed artist''?
I wanted to read the script but gave up - the action lines are written like a novel would be, something I'm guilty of myself. It needs a rewrite, otherwise it's too much of hard work for anybody who wants to read it.
Good luck with the rewrite
Marcela

Just checked it out.  Boy, that's a lot of description.  A LOT of description.  And camera direction.  And unfilmables.  Lots of words in general, really.  You have a 15-line-long descriptive paragraph on the first page alone.

Typically, descriptive paragraphs should be no more than 4 or 5 lines, at most.  Every screenwriter who has bothered to put in even a minimal amount of effort to learn proper format knows this.  So when a reader opens this script, here's what's going to happen:

1. They'll see right off the bat that you don't know the basics of screenplay format.

2. They'll naturally assume that if you couldn't be bothered to learn basic formatting, chances are you probably didn't bother to learn the basics of storytelling, either.

3. They'll toss your script aside without a second thought and move on to the next one.

So you've really shot yourself in the foot here.  You could very well have a wonderful story here, but nobody's going to know, because they're not going to bother reading it looking like this.  So go back to square one.  Read a lot of screenplays, read a lot of screenwriting books -- learn the craft.

Good luck.  Keep writing.

- Lon  

Hey, Csaba

Both Marcela and Lon confirmed what I gathered from reading the log line. It reads like you're script will be written: a novel. Not the best of first impressions. There are some guidelines, such as breaking up narrative into no more than 4 lines mostly because it makes for a more inviting read, readers won't see it as "work," from the start.

Congrats on getting 105 pages down that is huge, now it's editing. Good luck.

BLB