Print Topic
SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Action/Adventure Scripts / Hate
Posted by: Don, January 8th, 2016, 7:44pm
Hate by Andrew Herlan - Action, Adventure - A young, naive racist Jim, 20, is hid out in South Central by a black FBI agent where Jim must face down his prejudice and defeat dangerous racial terrorists before 150 people are killed. 136 pages - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: cloroxmartini, January 9th, 2016, 12:16pm; Reply: 1
136 pages is a bunch. I read the first few, up to Jim at the cop shop. There's a lot you could cut down. Right now I'm not up for laboring through that many pages.
Posted by: Dreamscale (Guest), January 11th, 2016, 10:53am; Reply: 2
I know what to expect from the logline and that's not a compliment.
So many mistakes in this single "sentence" it's shocking. Very, very poorly written and in great need of an edit.
Posted by: RegularJohn, January 24th, 2016, 9:18pm; Reply: 3
Hey Andrew.
150 people killed...oddly specific. Anyway, onto the script.
"The California Highway Desert" Should be a SUPER or so I would think since it's capped and all alone.
Four thick paragraphs sum up a racist party in the desert. The detail you put in this opening scene seems a bit too much. A few lines leading up to this "generator party" as I know them (minus the nazi influence) is sufficient.
You jump to a new scene and this one, unlike the opening, has no description to it. Not even a time in the slug. A new character shows up which makes six characters introduced within two pages.
I'll end it there. Hopefully you'll chime in and shed some light.
-John
Print page generated: April 19th, 2024, 3:57pm
Powered by
E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006