The Perfect Job by Richard Russell - Short, Comedy - A clerk finds the perfect job for a hard-to-place client. 4 pages - pdf, format 8)

Really interesting. You clearly communicated a point in very few pages. I loved the lines that you gave the characters, it gave them distinct personalities, and I really liked Bonnie, she was funny.

So Death is the guy that is unemployed and there aren't many openings in his field?

I don't get it, sorry mate. Maybe too early on a weekend morning for me to get it.

On the tab that comes up with the document, it reads: "death gets employed as planned parenthood screener". Not sure why, but it took away the twist. The fact you were hiding Death from the audience as a reveal wasn't awful, but not unexpected either. The dialogue for me, though felt like a chore. The mouthy clerk left lots of, what I felt, was unnecessary dialogue to read through. I thought you did a pretty good job on the action lines, though. Mixed emotions for me, I guess.

Rob

What Dustin said -- I didn't get that, although it sounds like the way it is. I was more into the comparison between what the job seeker was hearing from Bonnie, then stacking that up alongside the young girls predicament. The way the nursing home was described. Old people, their eyes bright, but nothing behind them -- don't even know their own name and and the kennel -- just picking up poop, getting bitten.

Richard, I believe your last few shorts have been coming from a place that strikes a chord personally with you. And that's well and good, and cathartic. You need to get them out, although they don't always make for the most entertaining subject matter, and they come across as preachy to a certain extent. I feel these do as well and that's not necessarily a bad thing just...not as entertaining as when you're making things up, and putting just a little of yourself in there and not the whole shebang.

Steve

I had to read this twice to make sense of it. When I made sense of it I actually liked it, an interesting twist (I initially thought the Reaper was taking the 16yo girl, not the unborn baby... so I couldn't quite get it)

Heavy on dialogue but it did draw me in to the situation wanting to know who on earth is this mystery person she is talking to... Is she talking to herself... Is she rehearsing something? So it did grab me and make me want to sift through it all to then end (Of course I also knew it was 4 pages!).

Cheers, Chris.

All,

Thanks for the comments.

Dustin, you're right.  Death wouldn't be out of a job without an explanation.  It can be fixed with a reference to pink slips or outsourcing or something.  And it should be fixed.

Steve, I understand your comment about some of my shorts.  I believe that film, like any medium, can and should comment on society.  Satire is just fine; propaganda is not.  I try to be clever with my criticisms of current life, but I fail as often as I succeed--perhaps more often.  But I think that since we have the opportunity to provide a vision of man's foibles, we should take it.  

Best
Richard

Quoted from RichardR Dustin, you're right.  Death wouldn't be out of a job without an explanation.  It can be fixed with a reference to pink slips or outsourcing or something.  And it should be fixed.

If Death is out of a job, then what would be the point in abortion clinics?

Is that what you're getting at? Family Planning... is that a nice way of saying abortion? If so, then abortions would no longer happen if Death wasn't in the job. If Death has been replaced, then with what? Surely with all its experience, Death, by very definition, would be the best thing for the job.

Dustin,

Precisely.  Abortion may well offer Death all the work he can stand?  But there can be more than one Reaper, no?  And this Reaper has been replaced why?  I don't know.  

Best
Richard

Quoted from RichardR Dustin, Precisely.  Abortion may well offer Death all the work he can stand?  But there can be more than one Reaper, no?  And this Reaper has been replaced why?  I don't know.   Best Richard

Well, no... there can only be one Death. Death is death. The Reaper is simply the physical manifestation.

Richard,
Love the topic. I wish you would break up the dialog paragraphs. Reads slow and clunky. I guess that's the mood you are trying for here?

I loved the monologues - brutal but hilarious. It took me a while to get the ending. Still, the ending is a bit disappointing. I think the title is brilliant.

I think it was very funny with Bonnie interviewing the unknown person. I really like her. Great dialogue!

However, I would say that you may want to set up your reveal a bit more. Maybe reveal it before we see him working at planned parenthood. You can reveal the job position. It would be a lot funnier if we knew who she was talking to at least halfway.

Great short though! I hope this helps.