Patrons of the Universe by Daniel Park - Drama - Meaghan Lawrence, a young girl working and living in the city, struggles to find some sort of happiness after breaking up with her neurotic painter boyfriend Vincent. A drug fueled love story. 85 pages. - pdf, format 8)

Hey Daniel,
I read the first 5 pages and I liked it. A lot of -ing verbs; I got rid of mine because a few people advised me to do so, I'm still not sure if I did the right thing. But definitely get rid of the name in the logline Maybe also get rid of the fact that she lives and works in the city, I mean in the logline again. I may be back to read more,
Marcela

Hey Daniel.

As I read along:

The "we are" isn't necessary.  It's already established by your opening slug.

I'm not sure you can have a CONTINUOUS scene from Meaghan's apartment to the coffee shop.  From what I remember, CONTINUOUS scenes are two scenes that follow one another immediately (from one location to an adjacent one).

Don't feel that the change in camera direction on the subway is needed.  Best left to the director.

Would have preferred you had shown Meaghan in her waitress uniform back at the apartment rather than three scenes later.  Just seems appropriate given that we would have seen her in it while she was covering Amy.  Simply for clarity's sake.

I'm noticing you're capitalizing the names of your characters.  After the first time they're introduced, your characters shouldn't be in all caps.

Not a bad start so far.  Hopefully you show up.

-John