It's only words by Mark Moore - Short, Drama - A Mother and Daughter reflect on their lives through a board game. - pdf, format 8)

Nice little nostalgic piece.  Apt that with a title like this there is no dialogue too.  :P

I did find it dragged a little after the midway point, and though it beggars belief a sixteen year old would hold with tradition and not just tip the scrabbleboard over, it ends with a rather nice full circle moment.

Interesting concept. Hard to read in continual 3 to 4 line paragraphs, and it did drag on a little for me.

Perfect title, but the logline didn't grab me at all.

Although a bit of a chore to read, I do think this would film well.

Going for the drama, the story delivers it. Some could argue it's overwritten in a good way, so I'd recommend the priority cutting come by way of the "scrabble conversations" themselves. Of course cut the fluff adjectives.

Their exchanges, although meaningful, snailed along. Maybe try tinkering with the formatting a little so when a character plays a word, it's given some space or separation on the page.

This short has film potiental. The writing could be lighter for clarity, but a theme is there and who doesn't like that?

Something different and an idea I nearly went with (but didn't), here's my ill informed opinions...

To me this reads more like a short story, which is not only down to the formatting but also the relatively flowery style taken as evidenced from the first paragraph.
The second sequence onwards... the words seem a little artificial and too easy, perhaps they'd feel less forced if they were more obscure versions or sound-a-likes.
Liked the circularity of the ending, nice.

Liked this but reservations at script level as above.

I just opened the first page... I'm going to have to come back to this one. I can tell without even reading it that this is going to be way overwritten. I've seen novels with shorter paragraphs.

Out of the gate, I love your title. Logline is ok, although it doesn't offer much conflict.

Others have already told you its overwritten so I'll spare that comment. I still overwrite myself after three years!

Oh and Scrabble :) Like that.... I'm not sure because I've never played but I think you only start with like five or seven letters so not sure right off they could spell a word like teach. I do like these words coming out and suspect they will prompt the conflict and work to move the story forward....but taking these notes as I go so we'll see.

Oh one thing I do love is the fact that you took it ten years later. Love that. Thinking that maybe you could have done it with a montage perhaps, but I do like that ten years later ...here she is again.

Now with the game again, let me suggest using a montage or a series of shots because again with seven letters, they aren't going to be able to just place down words like this on there. I DO LOVE the fact though that the problems and conflict is coming out in the words and it vibes with your title so much kudos for that.

Ok done. Cute story and filled with family stuff...board game...so I think you met the parameters of the challenge. I do like how you went through years with the family and I think if you trim the descriptions back a lot, it won't feel like it drags on. I love how it goes full circle, too.

Good job, writer.

Quoted from Dena I think you only start with like five or seven letters so not sure right off they could spell a word like teach

??? 'teach' has 5 letters in it... sorry Dena couldn't resist ;D;D;D

So no dialogue, I like what you did, creative for sure using Scrabble words as a means of conversation.

I don't think it's over written, if you under write it anymore you would end up with a 2 page script. :D maybe your wording could have more action and less scrabble words.

Good job for trying something else

Ah - my first OWC read for the January Challenge.

The plus side: it's a terrific concept, with very nice touches of humor and humanitarianism.  And I'm guessing whoever wrote this has kids. :)

The critique: this one, while a great idea, reads far too much like prose.  Such thick blocks of text here - hard to wade through and not workable, IMHO, in screenplay format.  

BUT - it is worth re-doing as a prose short.  So, kudos on that! :)

--Janet (W)

Writer,

There's a very sweet story at the heart of this. No dialogue, either. Very well done. I like the premise, and its good writing. However, it's a bit wordy. I wish you had figured out a way to cut the exposition and get to the meat of this story quicker. One other thing, although it may be implied and I missed it, but wouldn't it have been great if we learned that Jane was deaf, thereby giving her a reason for communicating to her daughter by use of scrabble? Otherwise, a good script with an original premise. You just gotta get through it first, and the payoff is nice.

Pretty good effort!

Steve

its only words

not sure the longline does anything for me, but then again I've never been in to TS elliot, and mine is even worse..like really worse

but lets see..

well done for a non dialogue script, not easy to pull off.
i suppose we could ask the question, why? in many ways we have just seen a family growing up as shown through scrabble words. nice way, but i wonder what else we could have had?

could they have been deaf etc could it be intermixed with limited dialogue, showing that writing can be a better explanation of feelings, than talking, perhaps thats what comes across

possibly a way of how they resolve disputes or moments of difficulty - hit the wine, oh i man hit the scrabble.

im glad you said it was merlot, i was worried for second it would be cab sav :D

story wise nothing stands out in term soft what happens but I'm torn as to whether this is a weakness or whether the simplicity is the core of the script and that the scrabble is the way to convey this. perhaps it needs an extra angle to make it shine

could see this filmed

It's only words

Title: OK. Not enormously compelling. Query: Would "Only Words" be better?

EDIT: In retrospect, the title is fine the way it is. I wasn't aware of the dramatic irony that the script provides...

Premise

Bordering on the superb. The idea of talking with scrabble tiles, and seeing the relationship of two people develop over the years was fascinating. It's a deep and difficult story to attempt, more naturally the type of thing you see in a high end short story.


Script

It was a heavy script to read. What people would call novelistic. By page 4 my boring bone is aching. The action is a little repetitive. It's tough to condense so much life, into a few scrabble tiles. You've done a remarkable job, but it is potentially monotonous for a film.

Page 5 redeems it. The emotion works. It's there. It's been telegraphed. There's nothing we didn't expect early doors, but it still works.

The epilogue works nicely as well.

Good job. A bold effort. The type of story we rarely see round here, where we are generally see more speculative fiction. You've splendidly managed to use a very small story to tell a very big tale.

I wish you all the best for it. If you get it into the right hands, I see no reason why this shouldn't do well.

I held off on this when I saw the big blocks of action/description. That's not necessarily a strike against it, because the audience will be watching the story, not reading it.

NONETHELESS -- watching this could be tedious. Each person putting down so many words will make people start to fidget in their seats. So, I recommend cutting to speed things up.

Also, when a teen-ager is mad, it doesn't seem likely she'd sit down for a game to express herself. She'd be more likely to mouth off and slam the door. You need some device to account for the lack of words. Such as having it be a family tradition/rule to play Scrabble in this manner, especially when anger is the issue.

I loved this one! Very creative, and it was an interesting choice not to use dialogue. However, in a Scrabble game with a seven year old, there is sure to be dialogue.

An idea that I had is that you could start with more dialogue, then each scene has less and less until the last scene before the granddaughter has no dialogue. Then, in the granddaughter's first game, being back the amount of dialogue from the first scene.

Just an idea I came up with, maybe you hate it and want to keep it the way it is, and that's fine.

You packed two life spans in this short - that's great.

It reads very well, I think it's well written too. I noticed heavy paragaphs, but still enjoyed the read and it didn't seem heavy or overdescriptive. Usually I don't like no dialog pieces.
I think Julia's life should be somewhat different, there should be more. That's my only grump, I think a bit more spice would make this invaluable.
Overall it's a very good piece by me.
Nice wellknown game, fits the theme very well.

Opens up on some seemingly chunky action and no dialogue whatsoever to go along with this short and I honestly enjoyed this read, never thought I'd say that for a no dialogue short. Like others have said this was a well written and touching story, liked the span of time good idea.

It was a long read.  Too long.  I know what you were trying to do, but, it just went on and on...

and on

and on

and on...

It was a cool way to use the game.  In a way, it shows the problems with society.  People can't just talk to each other, it's always under the guise of something else.  At least, that was how i took the lack of dialog...

5/10

I liked the concept but as others have mentioned, it's really overwritten. Towards the end I just found myself skimming as it's so dense, and it's also repetitive.

There's no real surprise or anticipation of wanting to know what comes next, so that makes it a tougher read.

Decent story though and it met the challenge criteria well.

I loved the overall premise and the thread of the story. It is right in my emotional wheel house. That being said - I think it is way over written.

You already have a challenge in that you are going to be describing scrabble play and that by itself means chunks of space will be taken up with that - all the more reason to be absolutely concise with the other descriptions.

I think this could work with no dialogue (as written) - but would have liked to see a version with dialogue - i.e., where the scrabble game was just the mechanism for them to spend time together rather than the communication device. Note: I know that defeats the entire point of the script so I am not saying you needed dialogue for this one - just that one with dialogue would be interesting as well.

Some notes.

I liked this one for its premise--communicating through scrabble.  What can't be said can be put on the board.  Fine.  There seemed a bit too  much for me.  We get into a circular mode, and while that connotes the cyclical nature of life, it also lets the audience say--been there, done that.  

For me, putting the dialogue onto the board worked well.  I liked that the essence was distilled to single words or several strung together.  You might consider cutting down on some, especially when covering the same territory as before.

Best
Richard

T.S. Elliot,

Title page is a little out there. Logline is pretty vague.

Not a fan of the the character descriptions. "Easy on the eye", "image of her mother". Seems lazy.

This was decent enough. I suppose if I was watching this I'd be wondering why they're using Scrabble as a conversation tool for all these years. They don't seem to be playing for points, just chatting. There's a nice story throughout but it'd grate on me after a while having the whole thing spelt out with tiles.

Nice idea though, a little different.

Good luck,

Glenn.

It's only Words

A carefully thought out story with lots of details.

You create a warm atmosphere. For such a short short this feels meaningful and I believe you'd be able to grab the viewer on an emotional level with your story.

Not so sure about the characters progressing age when it comes to actors; don't like the design of the title page.

My tile rack reads "moving"

A-

Your title page (not even in 12pt Courier!) made me nervous.

I'm usually not a fan of bold slugs, but it was less distracting than I thought it'd be.

I could see this being a Pixar short. You don't need dialogue, just words. This reminded me of the opening sequence from Up, which was completely devoid of dialogue.

T.S. Elliot? I didn't know you were still alive? :D

10/10

Interesting, feel good piece. The writer knows his stuff.

No need for me to reiterate what bogs it down as the earlier comments say it. It really does need a valid reason for there to be no dialogue as it just wouldn't happen in the real world.

The blocky action lines make it a skim candidate with only the scrabble words registering at times. Ambitious script that could be great with some tinkering.