Ready Or Not by Tim Radcliffe - Short, Drama - A little girl has an easier time hiding from her father than the harsh realities of life. - pdf, format 8)

Writer,

Geez Louise, this was sad. And good. It was a quick read, pulled no punches in getting to the essence of the story, and was crisp. It didn't linger anywhere too long. I kind of expected this to go the ghost route, where dad plays hide n seek, goes to hug her and his arms pass right through her. That night have been effective, but expected. You went another way which was equally, if not more, effective.

Very good.

Steve

Well written and a nice story. I'm personally tired of sick children dying stories though. I've read and seen a LOT of them over the years and sometimes it just seems like a cheat because who's not going to feel a tug at the heart when a child dies.

So, great job, even if the subject matter wasn't for me.

I forgot to add that you might want to give Abby's V.O. an age. As it reads now, she sounds way over four in that V.O.

This doesn't  help that my 2 girls are currently playing Hide N Seek while i'm reading this.

Depressing but beautifully wrote... a talented writer.

Good job

This was very sad, and I loved it! I loved the voice-over, that reminded me a little bit of Jack in "Room".

The ending was expected, but it still worked. I wish I had more notes, but that's it. This is one of my favorites so far!

This is one of those stories that makes the reader look like a tool for not liking it...

But I liked it, so I'm awesome.

*Spoilers*

It was a sad and moving story. Her alone in the hospital was the only thing that threw me off. It's sort of cold blooded, almost to the point where it could be implied she's already passed.

Great work! Strong favorite.

Quoted from oJOHNNYoNUTSo This is one of those stories that makes the reader look like a tool for not liking it...

If you are referring to me, I praised it. I just said I didn't like the subject matter. When I look for entertainment, wether it's reading or watching something, children dying of cancer isn't what I seek out. That was all. :)

Quoted from Grandma Bear If you are referring to me, I praised it. I just said I didn't like the subject matter. When I look for entertainment, wether it's reading or watching something, children dying of cancer isn't what I seek out. That was all. :)

Nope. Didn't even read your comment.

Well done. The game element provides a new way to tell a sad, familiar story. It likely will resonate with parents who have lost children and those who have not.

I remember playing hide and seek with my own kids in much the same way.

A few thoughts,

Great script, not convinced by the VO for a 4 year old but apart from that I thought this was a very poignant read.

Think I know who's it is too ;-)

Ready or not

Hide and seek - good choice has all sorts of potential. Let's see...

Nice work. Simple and effective.

Good connection with the mantle piece, shows a decent writer.

I reflected on this one and what it was telling me. Clearly it deals with loss and how small things mean a lot. I also liked the idea that it takes people to play a game, and when they are gone, the game can't be played. So, no game, no fun.

I get what Pia is saying about the sick child element to scripts. I have seen a fair few, and written a couple myself. I think this holds up because of the game and linkage. One option would be for her to survive but be disabled and we then see how they adapt the game. That would different but may stand out a touch.

Well done.

Well written but just too twee for me - I'm apparently a tough nut though - hubby cries at much more on screen than I do. The voice-over bugged the heck out of me too - a four year old narrator hmm not for me - I think you need Morgan Freeman to get away with that.  ;) In all honesty I reckon it's a personal taste thing. On screen this'd get a big ol' groan from me - which has nothing at all to do with your writing, which is perfectly capable btw.  

Oh God.  As of right now, this is NOW my favorite.  Beautifully written, and you just ripped my goddamned heart out.  Kudos.  And thanks - in a sad way...  :/

--Janet (W)

Ready or Not


Title: Clear flavour of Hide and Seek. Apt for the OWC, and probably the script.


Premise: Not bad. It's very simple. Almost too simple for my tastes, but it was an effective skeleton for a nice short.



Script

The opening shot was pretty dry. A mantlepiece. Not amazing. You can probably improve that by jumping straight into the game of hide and seek, then showing the introductory photos afterwards.


Character introductions are poor and lifeless. The charcterisation itself is good.


The story is nice. It's a little expositional, but it has strong emotional resonance.

Nice, simple tale, well told.

HOLY SHIT who wrote this!??

OMG I love this script and would love to film it! ;)

BEST one yet. No complaints...at ALL!

Yeah, I agree with the others.  I found this really sad and upsetting.

major SPOILERS

I thought she was gonna live and the whole "ghost like consciousness" thing really got to me...

One of the best ones yet and the use of the game was vital to the story.  It all fit very nicely together...

9/10

Hi writer,

Short and sweet. Read the comments before hand so, unfortunately I was ready for what was coming. Not much to add in terms of feedback not already mentioned except I like it for what it is.

Whimsical yet sad. A good story that fits the theme well.

Some notes.

This is a well-constructed, moving piece.  Hard not to find it compelling.  I'm no fan of dying children either because it seems like a cheap way to get a rise from the audience.  Toss in the run-over dog and you've got a two-fer.  That said, this is a good little story.  Make the little girl a bit older to explain the voice over and you've got a solid, if predictable story.

Best
Richard

Simple - straightforward - no WTF twist - my cup of tea.

I have two daughters so this brought back memories of this game.

Very well done - strong effort.

I have to be eased into this type of shit. Really get to know the characters... and there be a real story. A kid dying isn't a story. Not unless we get to know him first.

This has the feel of a writer that's written this type of story before. This one lacks real soul, feels forced and therefore fails for me.

Written well. Just not a fan.

Ready or Not

There are a lot of writers on this board who can tell such stories. I think it's one of those I know already.

There's always a place for your plots in film industry. That's one of the business' good features. Pure feelings survive any trends. The VOs are heartbreaking.

I'd give it an A.

Reminded me of The Elevator Most Belonging to Alice (little girl + father + harsh realities of life) and figured Bill had written this one, too. Whoever wrote this did an exceptional job.

Very nostalgic. Very touching. Very sad.

I had a feeling she was gonna die, but

Quoted Text ABBY (V.O.) Now I’m finally  outta that hospital and back at home.

threw me off, until I read further. Very poignant and tragic subtext.

Definitely the best one I've read.

10/10

Heather Starlett,

Nice logline. I'm intrigued.

Jesus Christ. It's Sunday morning! I wasn't prepared for this. This was great, in a heartbreaking kind of way. Sad tales, I find, are the hardest to write without them coming across a little too sappy. You got it spot on here though. I'd like to see this made. It'd be pretty easy to do too. Great job! Best of the bunch so far.

Best of luck,

Glenn.

I'm so glad this one did so well.  Honestly, it's my *personal* favorite out of the bunch.  O writer, please PM me on this one!  :)

This was my favorite as well and I am not sure I know the guy that wrote it. Hoping the writer will weigh in....really superb work here IMO.

Thanks everyone for the reviews and feedback. Most of you won't know me but I used to post on here a bit a number of years ago.

I was concerned the story might be a bit too simple so I'm glad most people seem to have enjoyed it regardless.

The title and story is meant to be symbolic of not just the game, but the fact that death can come for anyone at any time, and that there's no hiding from it.

Thanks again.

Quoted from Trojan Thanks everyone for the reviews and feedback. Most of you won't know me but I used to post on here a bit a number of years ago. I was concerned the story might be a bit too simple so I'm glad most people seem to have enjoyed it regardless. The title and story is meant to be symbolic of not just the game, but the fact that death can come for anyone at any time, and that there's no hiding from it. Thanks again.

I was really impressed by this story.  I thought it was very well written and man, that ending was so sad.  I hope that we will see you more on the boards.  You're a good writer and don't let anyone tell you differently.

Dan