The Bridge by Richard Russell - Short, Drama - A tony woman's car breaks down on the bridge between the haves and have-nots. 9 pages - pdf, format 8)

Richard,

you read a lot here, so I figured you deserve a few reads in return.

I think you did pretty good here. Great play with some social issues and how we might live in the same country, but in completely different worlds and symbolized here by a bridge.

First off, what the hell is tony? A tony woman and a tony car? I can guess, but I have never heard of it before.

I was wondering why Victoria threw her phone away. I don't think that's necessary.

I think this all played out really well and with the bangers showing up, you showed there is more than just rich and poor or black and white. There are other demographic groups out there with just as much contrast.

What I would've liked to see is a tiny bit difference in Victoria. Taquan and the banger were fine and the dialogue good, but IMHO, Victoria could use some tweaking. She's not likable. Not that she has to be, but she has to feel realistic at least. She doesn't seem afraid at all. She has an attitude and doesn't seem one bit grateful to Taquan at all and he's trying to help her.

Other than that, GREAT job! I'm going to alert Janet to this script. 8)

Hi Richard,

I enjoyed this.

Like Bear I had no idea what a tony is... I also had to google Banger. Once I knew the urban terms they fitted seamlessly into the script.

It was a nice journey. Draws the audience to a position where they believe the connection between Victoria and Taquan is breaking down some negative stereotypes, and then, snap, both revert back to form. Sort of an anti-feel good theme.

Also like Bear I do think throwing the mobile phone away is bit OTT. I suppose unlike Bear I  thought Victoria was developed well as a character. I envisaged a 'rich bitch with attitude' and strong enough to stand up to the lads in the story. The fake purse was the final touch which proves she was always in control, always looking out for No 1.

As always, very crisp writing and believable dialogue.

Quality script.

Cheers

Chris

Hey ya Richard.

Overall - solid effort.

I don't know what a tony is.

The throwing the phone over the bridge wasn't a believable action for me.

Quoted Text VICTORIA My neighbor got carjacked there last year. The incident landed her in therapy, and she still won’t drive. TAQUAN She got to get over that. Lots of shit happen, and you got to get over.

The above was a bit too much for me in terms of two strangers talking. I could see her haring the hijacked info but not so much the therapy stuff - still won't drive.

I really like the overall premise of this - the bridge between two worlds serves as a great metaphor. For the most part - you depict the juxtaposition of these two worlds very nicely. I believed everything I read.

That being said, I was not a fan of the ending - it just kind of whimpered for me there.

Anyway - overall - nice job.

All,

Thanks for the reads and the notes.  I apologize for 'tony'.  In modern parlance, it means high-end or pricey or trendy.  Your comments are heeded.

As far as her throwing away her phone, I wanted to solidify her nature and her wealth.  A cell phone that won't work has no value to her.  if it doesn't work, I'll have to rethink.

thanks again for the notes.

Best
Richard

Richard,

I think as far as the phone goes, I understand what you mean, but if that's why she throws it away, it just makes her look stupid. I don't even think super mega rich people throw their phones away every time they go out of range.  :)

I don't know if I'd agree with the fact that very wealthy people don't throw their phones away.  Not that I've seen it mind you, but I've seen some pretty arrogant things from wealthy people.  Just yesterday I saw on the news that Kylie Jenner is trying to trademark the name Kylie..... her name!  She's trying to trademark her name!  Pretty stupid if you ask me, so I wouldn't put throwing a phone away for lack of a signal past anyone who had money coming out of every orifice.  Some of them just don't seem to give a damn.  At least that's how I interpret it.  Maybe they're very nice people.  

My thought would be perhaps she throws the phone, and Taquan sees it.  Then we could really see how different they are based on his reaction to her throwing her phone away and her reaction to his concerns.  Not that you haven't established the fact that they're different in that regards, but I think that would really solidify from the get go she's well off while he is not.  But, as always, that's just my opinion.

Good luck!

Nolan

Loved reading it. Struggled with the street/gangster talk a bit. The ending should be better. Easily said than done, I struggle to write decent endings terribly.

All,
I appreciate the comments about the phone.  I was seeking a certain character flaw that simply tosses away whatever is no longer useful.  And I’ll see what I can do about the ending.
Best
Richard