Quoted Text .. a room packed with U.S. Air Force personnel, all in their own dress uniforms, ... |
Quoted Text Higgs is looking around the room to see if he recognizes anyone he knows. Should be: Higgs looks around the room to see if he recognizes anyone...... You don't need "he knows" - i.e, he wouldn't recognize someone he doesn't know. Also - in most cases it is good to avoid the ing words. i.e., Higgs looks - reads better than Higgs is looking. This is also an opportunity to punch up descriptive language. Rather than looks - use something like Higgs scans[u] the room as it is more descriptive of his action. If it were me - I would use Wesley and Ashley as the Character Name in the Dialogue header rather than Warner. This: [quote]WARNER: Can I ask you something? HIGGS: Of course. WARNER: You still love me, don't you? |
Quoted Text What a silly, stupid girl I was. To think that in choosing the academy, in choosing to dedicate my life to defending America, that I might meet an honorable man with whom I could spend the rest of my days. |
Quoted from LC Hey Dave, A lil FYI: Steve M has been posting his screenplays on SS for quite some time but as far as I know has never posted in response to any feedback. I know this cause I also have left rather comprehensive notes on a couple of his scripts in the past and well, he probably reads the feedback (maybe?), but it is always a one way conversation if you get my drift. Just thought you might want to know for future reference. Imh, it's much nicer when it's a two-way. :) |