Crisis by Steve Meredith - Short, Drama - Michael Donovan, a senior ranking intelligence official within the CIA, has a crisis of conscience after he directs an asset to take out a potential threat to U.S. national security interests.  At the end of the day, Donovan seeks solace in a church confessional, and struggles to forgive himself for giving such and order. 11 pages - pdf, format 8)

Steve, I liked your script.  The dialog seemed believable.  

In the end though it left me with one huge overarching question.  Why on Earth would a sly man who has successfully eluded surveillance for 15 years suddenly reappear and simply stand there as a lamb to the slaughter while they gunned him down?  

Second off... Your protagonist is agonizing over his decision, perhaps it would be better to give him a more concrete reason to question his call beyond a mere hunch...  some form of exculpatory evidence or perhaps even an outright post-hit exoneration.  

Then one more small point...  After fifteen years the administration has changed.  Therefore the president that made the kill order (presumably Clinton in 1999) is certainly no longer in office.  In fact, the presidency would have passed through the hands of Bush (2001) and landed with Obama (2009).  Presidential orders don't necessarily survive a change in the administration...  let alone two hand-overs.  

Finally, as a point of continuity...  Guantanamo wasn't being used as a prison for terrorists in 1999.  That all happened after the terrorist attacks on 09/11/2001.  So the line Donovan uses in the conference room in 1999 about waterboarding and Gitmo is anachronistic.  

Also, I've been waterboarded as a part of my military training.  Given the choice between that and taking a round through the head...  I'd take the waterboarding all day long.  It's uncomfortable that's for sure but the results are FAR less permanent.  As a covert operative - I'm sure Conway would have undergone the same sot of training (if not even more severe).

Steve,

Some notes.

I’m not familiar with spy stuff, but I’m guessing that after 15 years, there wouldn’t be much interest in the guy who disappeared.  Any info he may have went stale long before.  Any orders to kill would also be stale.  I can’t see them acting on such an old order.  But that’s me.  

But the story isn’t really about that.  It’s about the guy who has to order the hit.  He’s at the end of his rope, and I’m not exactly sure why.  He’s done this many times but this one is iffy.  He does it anyway and goes to confess.  I’ll buy it.  

I think you might consider cutting down the flashback with Speers and beefing up the present day by having Donovan reaffirming the orders and perhaps arguing for an apprehension rather than kill.  He can make all the arguments we can make about time and importance, only to be over-ruled by someone like Speers.  

You can also think about a reversal.  Conway isn’t what they think, but then, neither is Donovan or Speers or the CIA.  Otherwise, this turns from a spy film into something else.  I personally like reversals and twists.

In any case, some of the action paragraphs appear a bit long.  Also, you might consider making the support staff around Donovan less than conversant about Conway.  After all, in 15 years, much of Donovan’s staff would have turned over, right?

Best
Richard

The dialogue feels real, well at least in an outsider's opinion. But the conflict/crisis, either in Donovan himself or the one between brasses, could be brought out more imo, before he supposedly killed himself.

I like to see more hints on the solid foundation that Donovan and Conway's relationship share. And I understand there must be a web of dealings woven among all parties involved, so I think one could tap into that.

Another thing I noticed is that the protagonist didn't really do much besides having to obey orders and go to ask for forgiveness to make me feel for him.

But in all, I like "Crisis".

Best