Jared's Bad Day by Daniel A. Carrano - Short, Dark Comedy - The world boggles Jared, who learns happiness doesn't fall in your lap. 3 pages - pdf, format 8)

WTF did I just read?

Christ on a bike, that was a bit mental. I was working on piece I thought was a bit mad, but bloody hell.

Any chance of a counter piece revolving around the Ninja's day? Is the Ninja God, and the Delivery Boy the Grim Reaper? Seriously WTF?

was this a "Paperboy" spec or something?  

Paint me confused as well.

Hahahaha. I wouldn't read too much into this one, guys. Maybe not the best script to introduce myself. I just wanted to write something silly and absurd. It tickles me, so I figured I'd share it.

Haha, well you got noticed! Even though it was proper mad, for some reason I still want to know how the ninja's day went...

I got a good laugh out of this, I can see a weird funny YT video. The part Jared gave the injured cat money is hilarious.  ;D

Quoted from Conz was this a "Paperboy" spec or something?

Hey CONZ. I'm not sure what this means. Can you elaborate?

CRAMMYGRAY1983 - Maybe, the Ninja could be Jared's guardian angel or a vigilante, but when he sees the blank check he decides to be rich instead. The delivery boy is his sidekick or something. Or I liked your idea of him being the grim reaper.

HANK OF W - I am proud of the injured cat moment (it's not everyday that someone can say that).

ALSO, is the style ok?
Are there any hiccups in the read? As in, were there any sentences you had to reread in order to make sense of it?
Am I capitalizing words properly?

Thanks everyone.

Hey Daniel,

I think "Paperboy" spec refers to the early Nintendo game... not a 100 percent on that, though.

As for your script... yeah, it was out there. But it had kind of off-kilter, non-sequitur, stream of consciousness flow to it. Jarrod's dialogue read a lot like Will Eno's "Thom Pain" one-act. I actually rather enjoyed it.

Two things that stood out -- the "a baby got in the way of my fist" dialogue made me smile. And the line "Let's meet at that place where lawyers are" (I'm paraphrasing) had me laughing.

The writing is fine, just watch out for orphans (especially in a short). And watch out for typos, you have one in your first block of dialogue.

You should also rework the "cat eating a hot dog" bit of dialogue. At first I thought Jarrod was eating a hot dog... maybe "I ran into a cat with a hotdog in its mouth" or something like that. It did make me stop and go back.

yeah, Paperboy was a game with some crazy randomness just being thrown at the eponymous Paperboy.  I just thought of it while reading

Perhaps it has some deeper meaning. I did read all three pages... uhm, that's about it. Maybe it will be filmed one day, who knows.

Well, something for Kids in the Hall to read. They might have liked that.

I liked the ninja repeatedly coming out of nowhere dicapitating things. And I liked the fact that Jared goes to the morgue every three months. Who goes to the morgue? Why?
What does it even mean - he goes to the morgue - he obviously doesn't work there. It's like he  is about to die every three months but something saves him. But the fact he goes there every 3 months is kind of funny.

Quoted from spesh2k You should also rework the "cat eating a hot dog" bit of dialogue. At first I thought Jarrod was eating a hot dog... maybe "I ran into a cat with a hotdog in its mouth" or something like that. It did make me stop and go back.

SPESH2K - This is great advice. Thank you. Also, I'm going to check out Thom Pain.

KHAMANNA - Thanks for the Kids in the Hall compliment... Jared goes to the morgue every three months because he attempts to murder his wife every three months. Maybe, I'll try to make that less ambiguous. Thanks.

You certainly got me with absurd.  Nothing meant, nothing gained.

Best
Richard

Three pages was a good choice. I wouldn't have read past four. It was amusing enough, but no real payoff. I only opened this because I thought someone wrote a piece about Jared getting butt-fucked in jail whilst trying to enjoy a subway sandwich. Good marketing.

James

Well I laughed... Laughed at the sheer absurdity. I have no idea what to---

Hang on, there's someone at my front door.... looks like a Ninja... and there's a delivery boy on a scooter across the street.

Oh SHIT !!